Gotta Ride It Out /  by Alexander Lyadov

There were times when things got tough in our PE/VC investment fund:

  • After getting the money, the founder failed to keep his promises.

  • Losing projects to us, rivals played dirty with criminal ties.

  • We parted ways with our fund CFO, and we still haven't found a replacement.


During those times, my business partner always repeated his signature line:

"Just gotta ride it out."

I found that perspective irritating, but in the end, he was right.

No one threw in the towel. Instead, we rolled up our sleeves and worked round the clock for a while, enduring the sharp discomfort. But sooner or later, the wave of problems always subsided.

A friend who's into surfing also told me that when you fall off the board, don't panic—stay composed. The goal is to stretch your oxygen supply and avoid smashing your head. Eventually, the wave weakens, and it lets go. Then you'll know which way to resurface.

Some problems have this quirk: time beats them. Like engaging in a grapple with an aggressive bodybuilder, endure his push for 2-3 minutes. After that, he slackens, and you can submit him.

In this sense, if you do everything in your power, time is on your side.

Be patient.

Just gotta ride it out.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Turn Adversity into Triumph /  by Alexander Lyadov

Falling into water, a person starts sinking.

Tripping, you begin to fall.

When an adversary tightens my throat, I gasp and want to tap.

In every case, some dark force tries to harm the victim.

There appears to be no other interpretation. Right?

In reality, the situation is as you see it.

And your perception depends on your (often hidden) beliefs.

You've gathered them throughout your life: family, books, and experiences.

Beliefs can impose limitations and distort what you see.

Fortunately, by reevaluating our beliefs, we see a different world.

Turns out, we can rely on the density of water to swim. Without its resistance, strokes, and pushes would be impossible.

Mastering the skill of micro-falls, a kid will confidently walk. 'Destructive' gravity will help him achieve any goal.

By squeezing my throat, my jiujitsu opponent got stuck and became rigid, hence vulnerable. I put my feet against him, flipped him over, and won.

Thus, the choice of 'good or harm?' is within us, not somewhere else.

To paraphrase Goethe, our aim is to turn that power that eternally wills evil to eternally do good.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Own Your Experience /  by Alexander Lyadov

Underneath me, the pines rustled and swayed. Ahead, an endless horizon stretched out. My body turned cottony, and my stomach knotted up. A thought spun in my head: "One step separates me from..." It felt like in a few moments I'd be ready to bungee jump.

Suddenly, someone nearby shouted, "Ready?" and without waiting for my answer, commanded, "Five... four... three... two... one... Go!" My mind had time to protest, but my body had already taken the leap into the void.

Later, friends congratulated me, but I was really mad. Maybe the bungee staff wanted to help, have fun, or just go home. Unfortunately, they stole my jump.

So, the next morning, I went back and leaped again. This time, I warned them that I'd be up there as long as I needed. When the moment arrived, I confidently jumped. With every fiber, I felt freedom, meaning, and joy. This experience was 100% mine.

Over 22 years have passed since then, but I remember that lesson. It's easy to succumb to threats or temptations and do what someone (external or internal) wants you to do. Yes, formally, you'll achieve and gain accolades. But can you honestly say you did it? And if not, whose life are you living—yours or someone else's?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Freedom Battle Within /  by Alexander Lyadov

For freedom, one must fight. Even within oneself. There's so much to do, commitments pulling you every which way.

Seems like gaining freedom once and for all is impossible. Our minds are stuck in these fragile bodies, existing in a chaotic world. But beyond the body, there are personal aspects demanding, "Why hesitate?! Dive into X! Why haven't you done Y yet?"

Give them a chance, and internal critics will nag you to a pulse loss. These voices seem like they belong to a paranoid, a wicked teacher, or a stuck algorithm. Their demands have a meaning for them, but love for you is absent. In 99 out of 100 cases, their screams and whines are useless.

No, it's not conscience. The latter usually whispers faintly, gazes meaningfully, or stays silent, blushing. Compared to the critics, conscience is easier to ignore or drown out.

To stay sane and not burn out, find a way to shut your critics up, slam the door in their faces, and put up a sign saying, "We're closed." For instance, my critics are speechless when:

  • I'm in an ice bath,

  • I'm doing jiu-jitsu,

  • I'm helping a client,

  • I'm writing an article,

  • I feel connected to the person I am talking to.

That is, whenever I'm nowhere else but in the present.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Secret Knowledge /  by Alexander Lyadov

All we know today are not truths but merely models.

We use them because:

  1. They are helpful,

  2. We're all used to them,

  3. We haven't got anything better yet.

A map, like any model, is a limited representation of the terrain. Sure, you can navigate by it, but no smells, traps, or snakes.

Question: Do you know the limitations of a particular model? Often, that answer decides loss or victory, life or death.

Everyone is eager to teach you their models. But seldom does anyone specify that this is by no means a dogma and that there are exceptions 1, 2, and 3.

That's why an educated person sometimes turns out more vulnerable than a novice. The illusion of knowledge makes them careless.

It is your responsibility to learn when Model X is no longer useful, akin to conceiving a child or packing a parachute.

The bonus is that such knowledge can be considered secret because:

  • It gives you an invisible lever,

  • Where others see a hardship, you see an opportunity,

  • What horrifies others fills your heart with hope.

"The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions," said the American physician, poet, and writer Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

But, you and I won't wait for old age to become wiser, will we?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Your Ego or Your Life? /  by Alexander Lyadov

Life gets a whole lot simpler when the stakes are sky-high. The brink of disaster makes us value function over form.

Whether it's a sinking ship, an earthquake, or a fire, the essence remains the same:

Survival comes first; the rest can wait.

So, in chaos, the real MVP is the one who:

  1. keeps their cool,

  2. knows what to do,

  3. gives clear-cut orders.

But what's with you? Bothered by a commanding tone? Cringing at the roughness of the words? Itching to protest? Longing for more respect?

Alas, it means you haven't quite grasped the predicament you're in.

Otherwise, you'd willingly turn a blind eye to trivial matters:

  • Politeness is optional for a mountain rescuer.

  • Exterior is secondary for a guard dog.

  • A cardio surgeon can be an atheist or a Seventh-day Adventist.

  • A person gasping for air will take oxygen in any form.

Extreme situations test our maturity. Reality forces the proud to make a tough choice: Your Ego or Your Life.

The Wolf : Boys, get to work.

Vincent : A please would be nice.

The Wolf : Get it straight buster - I'm not here to say please, I'm here to tell you what to do and if self-preservation is an instinct you possess you'd better fucking do it and do it quick. I'm here to help - if my help's not appreciated then lotsa luck, gentlemen.

Vincent : I don't mean any disrespect, I just don't like people barking orders at me.

The Wolf : If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please... with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Cure for Envy /  by Alexander Lyadov

"The world is not driven by greed, it’s driven by envy" said Warren Buffett's partner, Charles Munger. The investment world is "blessed" with both.

We notice in others not everything, just what we lack. Someone else's success painfully mirrors our own shortcomings. But it starts with an internal sense of lacking something. "I desperately need X. Why don't I have it yet?!" we protest. And more often than not, it's about the imaginary things, not a shortage of Vitamin D.

Maybe it all began with Cain, who killed his brother out of envy. Cain resented God for accepting Abel's sacrifice, not his own. Cain was convinced he knew better. That's pride. Narcissism, a therapist would say.

A belief in one's uniqueness is a crucial milestone in a child's development. But when a personality can't outgrow this stage, it becomes a source of suffering and "bad luck".

Of course, the best treatment for a sky-high ego is injections. Reality will constantly frustrate, castrate and deprive the narcissist, of what he holds most dear. This upbringing persists until their personality matures (or dies). By the way, there's a bit of narcissism in each of us.

I have noticed: There is no envy at the moment of your realization. For example, when solving a challenging problem that holds deep meaning for you and benefits others. Such activity is a reward in itself. At that moment, gratitude to fate runs deep.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Hunting Procrastination /  by Alexander Lyadov

The best cure for procrastination? Cave painting.

Sounds weird? Let me explain.

Anthropologist Henri Breuil believed that cave paintings were part of "hunting magic" rituals meant to bring luck in the hunt. The oldest one dates back 45,500 years.

Imagine the doubts and fears of our primitive ancestors before hunting dangerous beasts. No firearms, no radio, no antibiotics. Hungry children on one side, possible death on the other. Anyone would become a procrastinator, right?

But if you draw your fear on the wall and spear it with force, you transform somehow. Symbolically, a psychological barrier is overcome. The beast might still lurk in the grass, but the unseen flint tip has already pierced its skin.

So, when a daunting or unpleasant task looms over me, I remind myself: "Take a symbolic step." It may be small, but it gets you closer to your goal. And be honest with yourself that mini-steps are enough this time:

  • Open the computer and load all the correspondence into your brain.

  • Visualize the balance of power across the negotiating table.

  • Make a clarifying call, and so on.

You'll be surprised how "hunting magic" works even today.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Kabuki Theater /  by Alexander Lyadov

"Sasha, where's the money?!" yelled the Forbes Top 100 businessman at me.

This was over 20 years ago, in his fancy office.

I stayed calm, looking at him with a cool smile.

Why?

This show happened every year. I led an ad agency, and he was our big client. We built a vibrant brand from scratch for him. Product sales shot up, even though ad spending was modest.

Back then, I was searching for a compensation plan that aligned both our interests. So, I took a risk and suggested tying part of our remuneration to the new brand's sales.

With that motivation and a tough challenge, our team made a creative breakthrough. The new brand gained a significant market share. The only thing I didn't consider was the client's mindset. He grew up in an environment where value was forged through 'tough negotiations' instead of creative collaboration.

At the year-end, we had to confirm the bonus amount and terms for the next year. So, he would send me an invitation to his 'Kabuki Theatre.'

He acted outraged about distribution speeds, nitpicked technical details, and complained about high overheads (which I couldn't verify). In short, he tried to convince me that, yes, sales were growing, but there were no profits, so the bonus had to be cut.

The first time, I was shocked by the unfairness of his claims. But then I grasped his approach and started acting differently. I needed to calmly withstand his pressure, like a lighthouse in a storm. Seeing the futility of his 'game,' he eventually backed down. Now we could make a deal. By the way, his respect for me grew each time.

I call this winning strategy 'Fur outside, steel inside.'

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Lost, Found, Freed /  by Alexander Lyadov

My buddy shared how he lost his home in the first month of the war.

It was his place of strength, safety, and comfort.

He poured a lot of love, time, and money into crafting that house.

And then, bam! Such a loss. Total reset, emptiness, and vulnerability.

Of course, his spirit was crushed, and the mood was gloomy.

But then, in his mind, there was a sharp turnaround.

Suddenly, he felt... absolutely free.

The new state was both exhilarating and heady.

Nothing tied him down anymore; he became light as a feather.

The range of options available to him grew at an exponential rate.

He lost something more important than a house.

But he gained something more valuable than walls and land.

What? He transformed as a person.

By the way, the story continues.

On his return to what he thought were ruins, his home was almost intact.

But he'll never ever forget the thrill of freedom.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Myth of Stability /  by Alexander Lyadov

What's a salaried job like in today's business world?

a) You work in comfy spaces.
b) Use a set of efficient tools.
c) Tackle straightforward tasks.
d) Hit the goals set by the bosses.
e) Know what your colleagues are up to.

It's like being a ship mechanic - life isn't easy but is clear.

Then, one day you reach the top and take the helm as CEO. Wide horizons unfold before your eyes, but there's also this feeling of fear.

Turns out, simplicity, clarity, and stability are illusions, a myth. Around you, a wild ocean ready to crush your ship in an instant.

No one, not the board, team, or consultants, knows how to navigate. Everyone looks at you, expecting you to be the guide in all this chaos. But where do you find support?

Crises and loneliness create the heat and pressure of an autoclave. You either burn out or transform completely.

Now, your support isn't coming from a smart boss, expert advice, or the usual way things are done. You’re confident YOU can turn any disaster into a blessing.

And guess what? Starting your own business is just one step away.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Human Tree /  by Alexander Lyadov

Witnesses say we grappled so hard, the walls shook.

At the end, my jiu-jitsu opponent asked, "How old are you?"

Taking a moment, I replied, "51."

He gasped, "Wow! '72? Just like my dad. I'm 29."

I get his surprise in my head, but my heart doesn't feel it.

Inside, the concept of age is foreign to me.

Or, rather I'm simultaneously 20, 50, and 80:

  • As curious, open, and naive as a university student.

  • A balanced understanding of self, people, and the world, fitting 50.

  • A part of me has traded in the ninth decade and seen it all.

What if people are more like trees than we realize?

Maturity doesn't replace youth; it adds like yearly rings.

This would explain why elders insist, "Inside, I'm still young."

There's also a phenomenon where a child is born with an old soul.

As for the body, it serves as long as you need it.

Stay in the office all day, and at 30, muscles shrink.

But grab a kettlebell, and your strength grows at any age.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Writing the Poem of Life /  by Alexander Lyadov

I hate problems and love them at the same time.

They fascinate me as a phenomenon impossible to fully grasp.

Without problems, we'd have to invent them.

And that's what happens when there's too much safety and comfort.

Maslow was wrong; self-actualization and creativity don't happen.

No, people immediately begin to tear down everything, everyone and themselves.

I explain it by the fact that a person can't live without meaning.

Unfortunately, only a few can independently seek it.

And problems? They're a reliable way to inject some meaning.

Attempting to survive is, in fact, answering the question: 'For what?'

Sounds a bit hopeless, doesn't it?

We solve one problem and unconsciously pick up another.

They seem to happen to us, and we call it an unfortunate fate.

The way out is to change your attitude to the inevitable.

No problems, no life? Okay, then I'll choose the ones I fancy.

Seizing the initiative, you turn problems into your poems.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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You Don't Know Yourself /  by Alexander Lyadov

Inside me, there's a "button" for delivering Wow presentations.

But for a long time, I had no clue about it.

As an introvert, I always avoided being in the spotlight.

But when I became the CEO of an ad agency, the "stage" called me.

You see, in the ad game, three things matter:

  1. Winning pitches for new clients,

  2. Generating Wow ideas,

  3. Keeping talented people around.

So here Wow presentations are like the Water of Life in a fairy tale.

However, clients find it hard to judge the creative juice of an agency.

So they use a proxy - the drive of the team and the CEO.

I simply had to "rock" to keep our business alive.

That's when the introvert started turning into an extrovert.

Temporarily. Sometimes.

I pressed a secret button, switching to 'Berserk' mode.

Surprisingly, over time, I even started enjoying it.

Did I become the life of the party, a roisterer, and a socialite? No.

But six years of such transformations definitely changed me.

I realized I didn't know myself at all. I'm sure you don't either.

Something unimaginably greater is within each of us.

You'll find out when fate gives you a nudge (or a kick).

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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The Savior is You /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

Be honest: No one’s gonna save you or your business.

If someone says otherwise, know they’re lying to you.

Why? Problems don’t just pop out of nowhere.

A long chain of decisions brought you exactly where you are.

In other words, it ain’t bad luck that’s got you stuck right now.

Sounds gloomy? Not at all:

  1. In the world, no one cares about the outcome as much as you do.

  2. You’ve tried a bunch of ways, you know the problem inside out.

  3. You’ll damn well know when you stumble upon the answer.

So, you’ve been carrying the solution within you for a while, but in an implicit form.

You gotta make explicit what’s already there, in fact.

In chemistry, when all the reagents are ready, you add a catalyst.

It sharply speeds up what would’ve happened slowely on its own.

So, ditch the hope for a savior with a magical fix. Instead say:

“I’m looking for something to push my Process forward.”

Many things can act as a catalyst:

  • insight,

  • escalation,

  • a change in context,

  • deep self-reflection,

  • a successful analogy,

  • an unusual experience,

  • or a sherpa, a guide for those who climb high.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Beware: New Environment /  by Alexander Lyadov

A strong rookie athlete is feeble against an experienced judoka on the mat.

A teenage swimmer effortlessly circles an adult in the water.

A child leads a parent with awe, skillfully playing video games.

What's the common thread here?

One character is in an unfamiliar environment, while the other is in a familiar one.

And the less familiar the environment, the less important what you're proud of.

Multiply all that by zero - strength, endurance, knowledge and skill.

Because your 'assets' are as specific as tools.

An iPhone is great for text messaging, but not for nail driving.

A marathon runner's endurance doesn't translate to a wrestler's endurance.

People are often shocked because they don't realize that the environment has changed.

For instance, my acquaintance got robbed and stabbed in Rio.

He simply took the path next to the famous Escadaria Selarón.

Entering a new market is not a simple 'copy-paste' action.

A rise in interest rates destroys the profitable business model.

The launch of ChatGPT ruins many fast-growing startups.

Day and night petrol stations are very different in terms of safety.

Conclusion: Be vigilant about 'minor' changes in the environment.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Umbrella Solution /  by Alexander Lyadov

Isaac Reyes

 

The neighbour downstairs complained: "Your footsteps make my ceiling crack."

Alas, when you hang a 36-kg weight on your belt, there is noise.

I can't give up the exercise, but I feel sorry for the neighbors. What to do?

I was about to cover the entire floor with expensive rubber coating.

But then a friend casually said, "Are you barefoot? Put on shoes."

Voila! In Crocs with a thick sole, the heavy me glides like a shadow.

This trivial case illustrates an important thought.

We are often in search of a grand solution to a grand problem.

But that's a way of wasting time, effort and resources.

It's wiser to narrow the conflict down to the operational zone.

For me it was the tiny contact area between the floor and my feet.

Facing a serious threat in business, leaders fall into extremes:

  • they either stay in a stupor for too long,

  • Or they rush to put out the fire with a flood of resources.

Better take a pause and look at the situation from the outside.

You'll discover a very different place to focus your efforts.

When skies open, a successful local solution is often an umbrella.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Transformer's Dilemma /  by Alexander Lyadov

On one hand, the world around us objectively exists.

On the flip side, you subjectively create your own world.

There is no contradiction between these two statements.

Every moment you're bombarded with events, phenomena, things.

But for some reason, you pick A from the mix and ignore B and C.

Like one kid making a T-Rex out of Lego, another making a boat.

It doesn't matter if it's your conscious choice or your ancestral vibes.

What matters is, the older you get, the less your "world" resembles others'.

So to say: "I want to change the world around me" is naive or narcissistic.

History is full of tragic attempts to make people happy.

Why? Fixing others is fearing the demons lurking inside you.

"Whatever is rejected by the self appears in the world as an event," said Jung.

Anyone who's tried knows – changing yourself is crazy tough.

The world quietly gets better if each carries their own cross.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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The Price of Liberation /  by Alexander Lyadov

"I've got a serious knee problem. Can you help me?"

"Sure thing. Come in on Mon, Wed, and Fri at 8 in the morning."

"Oh no, I can't do that."

"Why?"

"I'm still sleeping at that time."

"Well then, you don't have a problem."

A sports rehabilitation specialist shared this story with us today.

It illustrates what I call an “unactualized request.”

A person deceives himself and others that he's suffering.

But he's unwilling to sacrifice anything for freedom:

  • lifestyle,

  • comfort,

  • resources,

  • sense of significance,

  • questioning false beliefs, and so on.

That's why the cost serves as a barrier against pseudo-problems.

Conversely, by giving up something valuable, a person will strive to gain much in return.

Want to work with more dedicated and grateful clients?

Raise the price of your services several times.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

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To be a White Crow /  by Alexander Lyadov

In life, I often felt like a white crow, meaning an oddball or misfit.

For example, when I chose to major in chemistry at university, even though I didn't like it much or understand it well in school.

Or when, as a student, I dashed off to Kamchatka to lay pipelines with a team of seasoned men.

Later, I felt a jolt during my MBA at the Chicago Business School when I realized I was the only advertising person among a sea of finance experts. I struggled to grasp the lecturer's words.

Also, when I made a sudden shift from marketing to private capital management. Transitioning from a CEO and co-owner to a vice president role, essentially a salesman.

Everyone was a psychologist, educator or social worker at the US Focusing therapy conferences.I was the only businessman.

I felt out of place at 42, dancing House style among 20-year-old kids.

At 43, I stepped onto the tatami for the first time. Brazilian jiu-jitsu as an art fascinated me, but for the initial nine months, my ego was trampled by everyone.

A "white crow" is a newcomer who takes a giant leap into the unknown. He lacks mental models, cultural norms, and basic skills. So, he feels shame, embarrassment, helplessness, loneliness, despair, pain, and fear.

However, the White Crow has a maximum learning speed. The beginner's mind swiftly navigates the learning curve, like descending Mount Blanc. Moreover, after becoming a black crow, like everyone else, such a person retains a valuable outsider's perspective on the specific community and domain.

Looking back, I realize that the vast increase in knowledge more than compensated for all the discomfort I went through. While my ego struggled, my understanding of myself, others, and the world grew exponentially.

Now I'm almost used to being a crow that regularly changes its feathers.

When did you feel that your development switched to turbo mode?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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”Who are you and what do you do?"
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

"I have an important business decision to make. Can you help me?
Reserve a time on my calendar that is convenient for you to meet with me. We'll clarify your request and discuss options for how you can help.