Ego Sacrifice / November 8, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

It is terrible to feel like a complete fool. Yet, not ending up in that spot is even worse.

Without refreshing oneself, a person becomes a caricature or a zombie. He's alive, but his inner world is a mothballed museum.

You need a "water of life" in the form of new experiences, knowledge, and impressions. Unfortunately, this water doesn't always trickle; at times, it gushes like a deluge.

For example, your life may take a sharp turn due to fate. Or when you decide to delve into something radically new for yourself.

It's especially tough for someone who has already achieved heights in a certain field. "What? They're treating me like a kid?!" The mere thought discourages many from trying new things.

Yes, the most precious thing - the Ego - must be sacrificed. While the Ego deflates, a person experiences fear, pain, shame, and so on.

"Frustration, castration, and loss - it's the eye of the needle through which a camel (personality) must pass," said a wise person to me. It's easier to grasp it with the mind than it is to accept it with the heart.

Fortunately, the experience of past renewals has an anesthetic effect. You tell yourself, "Ah, yes, I remember. I felt just as awful when I launched X, got into Y, and decided on Z. So, I'll manage here too. It'll all get easier soon, for sure."

Some people's renewal muscles wither. In others, they grow stronger day by day. I bet readers of this mailing list pump it more often.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Who Is Confused? / November 7, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

"Top managers are fighting with each other and pulling apart."

This is how the founder (or CEO) shows displeasure with his team.

Usually, in these situations, the leader thinks about ordering:

team-building training,
a group strategic session with 8-15 people,
or coaching for the most "problematic" top manager.

It's hard to blame the leader. Everyone around does the same thing.

Unfortunately, the company's resources will go down the drain.

At best, the employees will have fun on the company's dime.

This gives the boss a reason to console himself: "People got closer, made informal connections...". But deep down, he knows it's nonsense.

Most likely, good intentions will pave the road to hell again:

activity will generate more questions than answers,
smoldering conflicts will intensify,
misunderstandings will grow,
the leader's authority will decline.

Why?

People intuitively feel the problem lies elsewhere. After all, a team is a mirror reflection of its creator.

Can the team be better than the founder? Absolutely not.

Why do top managers endlessly clash with each other?

Because the founder lacks a clear picture in his head.

This is the main focal point of applying efforts.

Here, the ROI for the business is colossal.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Voluntary Shock / November 6, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

A healthy, energetic person is always intrigued by something. If he suffers, it's only from the tyranny of choice. There are just too many fascinating tasks around. It's desirable to tackle them all.

But when a person has little energy left, it's a different story. For instance, it might be because it's all spent on a hated job, background anxiety, or a chronic illness. Even if a spark of interest in a certain topic arises, there's nothing to fuel it because there are no logs for the fire.

In such cases, there are two ways out. You can increase the level of available energy. For example, mitigate the illness, change your lifestyle, or find another job. Then, the growing interest itself will pull you out from under the ground towards the sun.

The alternative is to go through a shock. The proximity of a threat shakes the consciousness and activates reserves one didn't even know existed. The flame of a problem burns everything unnecessary that seemed important. Like an atom, a person rapidly transitions from one state to another.

The last option implies high discomfort. Almost no one wants to pay this price. So, usually, Reality itself thrusts a person into shock. Unfortunately, the suffering is multiplied many times over by the fact that it happens suddenly and against a person's will.

Conclusion: If there's time, gradually improve your habits. Yet, if you're really pressed, take the initiative. Let the inevitable happen when and how you choose.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Implicit Threat / November 5, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

I'm not a fan of scrapes, scratches, and cuts. They seem innocent. That's why they're treacherous.

For instance, the size of the fungus Trichophyton is between 4 and 50 micrometers. To it, a tiny scratch on your skin is like a wide riverbed.

It's trouble if you're into swimming or wrestling. You let your guard down a bit. Now you've been out of training for a few weeks.

In business, we witness the same thing. When a major problem arises, the founder gathers all strength. The threat of collapse forces a choice: to be or not to be.

But a scratch on the corporate body? Easily shrugged off. Seems trivial:

An analyst jumps ship to a competitor.
The accountant makes calculation mistakes again.
An investor remains silent for two weeks.
A co-founder seems sullen.
Or a slight increase in the churn rate.

Maybe it'll all be fine. Or perhaps Chaos is already knocking at your window.

This is an example of the Lever aimed against you. It turns Nothing into Something, unfortunately, with a minus sign.

Many smart books are written on how to avoid disaster. But wouldn't it be better to eradicate the cause?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Ice Option / November 4, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

I've long read about the benefits of ice baths.

There are so many [1, 2]:

Reducing inflammation
Boosting the immune system
Activating antioxidant enzymes
Increasing metabolism and fat loss
Improving blood circulation and heart health
Decreasing muscle fatigue and post-workout pain
Easing symptoms of depression and anxiety
Enhancing muscle recovery after exertion
Heightening alertness and mental clarity
Building resilience to stress
Improving mood, and so on.

I even got myself used to taking cold showers, but I didn't go further. Sure, I remember the wonderful feelings AFTER plunging into an ice hole. However, I also remember my awful feelings BEFORE that. In short, there was a gap between thinking and doing.

Recently, I had an unusual day in terms of physical activity:

Morning swimming
Noon shooting at the range
Evening jiu-jitsu seminar

By evening, I needed a boost because I was squeezed like a lemon. Quietly cursing, I hopped into a tub chilled with ice packs and was amazed. Except for the first thirty seconds, the sensations were strange but not unpleasant. A cocoon formed around my body. Thoughts nearly disappeared, as if the cold froze my mind. Consciousness slowed down. Suddenly I felt the (long-awaited) calm.

After the procedure, a heat flared up in my body, providing enough energy for the seminar. The next day, the desire to repeat it arose. By the third day, I extended the experiment to three minutes.

I don't know if getting familiar with ice will turn into a friendship. I'm intrigued by the potential of this tool because it resembles a call option. It comes with a modest price in the form of initial discomfort. In exchange, we get unlimited upside. This pays off immediately and will pay dividends for many years, even decades, to come.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Why We Drink? / November 3, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

"Alcohol is liquid Mother."

A psychoanalyst can say it in a way that you can't forget it.

What comes to mind when you hear the word "motherhood"?

For instance:

care,
satiety,
warmth,
security,
pleasure,
coddling,
tenderness,
unconditional love.

If this is how one feels toward a baby or a school kid, that's awesome.

A new life needs a supportive environment because it's too fragile.

But what about a 40-year-old man with a beard and mustache?

Trying to apply these words to him feels off.

A man's typical tags might look like this:

strength,
restraint,
resilience,
toughness,
adaptability,
meaningfulness.

What does this man want when he tips the glass?

To relax,
To enjoy,
To forget,
To fuel up,
To warm up,
To silence his inner critic,
To boost his self-assurance,
To feel tranquility, at least for a while.

Functionally and symbolically, ethanol is like maternal milk.

An adult who drinks a lot can't cope with life's pressure.

So, he longs to return to a blissful state, a 'paradise'.

Alas, he can't. And waking from this sweet slumber is terrifying.

But I'm not against alcohol, as it can be fitting on rare occasions.

But don't kid yourself, what am I drinking for?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Why do I value dreams? / November 2, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

I love watching, recording, and then analyzing my dreams.

Not always, but quite often, they guide me.

In significance, their role resembles that of seabirds.

A bird is a good sign for one who has long wandered the open sea.

It means the long-awaited land is somewhere nearby.

Dreams also notify me of what should happen.

It's not about specific events; it's more about the direction my personality is taking.

In dreams, I see the changes that have already taken place within me.

You see, the physical reality is characterized by inertia.

Hence, in waking life, my behavior changes, but with a delay.

One could say that dreams help the implicit become explicit.

A few things have improved my understanding of dreams:

Psychedelic experiences.
Studying myths and fairy tales.
Learning the 'Focusing' method.
Interpreting dreams with a psychotherapist.

So when I hear that dreams are delirium and rubbish, it amuses me.

Just like when people try to interpret dreams using templates.

To those individuals, I'd suggest considering the following:

There must be some value in dreams if evolution has preserved them.
The eccentricity of dreams is necessary to bypass the barriers of a stubborn mind.
Dream symbols are individual and meant only for you.
It's unknown who sends you dreams. Why ignore these gifts?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Entrepreneur Inside the Corporation. Part II / November 1, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

So, your entrepreneurial spirit is trapped in a corporate body.

Leaving isn't an option, but staying isn't good either.

But what if the situation is exactly the opposite?

It's not you, it's the company, suffocated in a golden but cramped cage.

While the inertia of the past is strong, the business might still grow, but...

The symptoms indicate that nobody knows what to do next:

Politics' role in operational tasks increases,
Management avoids making tough decisions,
The managers' motivation system becomes unclear,
CEO keeps the business vision hidden from the team,
Corporate culture resembles a swamp, not a flowing river,
Customers are often unhappy with product/service quality,
The company is belatedly acknowledging reality, and so on.

In other words, the company is stuck, but it hasn't realised it yet.

For the entrepreneur within you, this is excellent news!

Why?

Choose any aspect of the company's problem that bothers you.
Work on it at your own pace in your free time.
With no management expectations, you risk nothing.
Worst case, you gain invaluable experience for the future.
Best case, your career takes a quantum leap.
Moreover, you have no competition here.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander
P.S. Unsure how to find and close opportunities within a large organization? I can help you. Book a session here.

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Entrepreneur Inside the Corporation / October 31, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Some top managers have an entrepreneurial spirit.

In big corporations, it's tough for them. Is that you?

Sooner or later, dissonance arises in your mind.

On the one hand, there's a desire to break away and embrace novelty.

But fear holds you back: 'What if my adaptation takes too long?'

Many professionals damage their careers by radically changing industries.

On the other side, there's no room to breathe in your current job.

Sure, the company is stable, your income is solid, and the board of directors knows about you.

But this is drastically insufficient for your dynamic nature.

You're like a mustang harnessed to a plow—your potential is far greater.

The dilemma steals peace and energy, poisoning relationships and health.

What to do?

In such a situation, I offer clients counterintuitive advice:

Take on more responsibility.

Why? I'll explain next time.

Surely, you're interested in contemplating this case yourself.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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The Partnership Paradox / October 30, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Successful partnership is a resilient yet fragile thing.

It remarkably endures harsh hits from the outside.

And it strings possibilities one after another, like beads on a thread.

Unfortunately, success makes one feel invincible and arrogant:

"I'm a genius! Everything turns to gold, whatever I touch."

For now, he doesn't say it out loud, just whirl it in his head.

Sadly, their business is doomed. Even if the decay takes years.

Let's explore the root cause.

Partnership is ideal when there's a synthesis of contrasting forces.

Symbolically, it's a union of moon and sun, minus and plus, chaos and order.

But the moon is as it is not by chance - it repels the sun's heat.

Otherwise, it would have long stopped cooling everything around.

Someday, if the moon is wise, it acknowledges its shortcomings.

This is when an alliance of opposites emerges to offset each other's weaknesses.

Unfortunately, as success grows, pride rears its head.

Pride claims all the credit and devalues the partner's contribution:

"Unfair! I'm the only one who works hard and we split the profits in half".

This breeds:

Intrigues,
Power struggles,
Decision-making paralysis,
Revision of initial agreements,
Selection of managers for loyalty,
Shareholder conflicts, and much worse.

You might ask, what to do then?

Firstly, choose a mature individual as a partner.

Secondly, have those around who can put pride in its place.

Thirdly, consistently explore who you truly are.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Beckham / October 29, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

I’m not a football fan, but the TV series 'Beckham' impressed me.

There are plenty of reasons:

It's a captivating story, full of twists and drama,
Expertly edited scenes from childhood, youth, and adulthood,
The influence of his father and coach in unveiling his talent,
David's interesting character traits,
The role of the team, and much more.

But, I highly valued the series for something else.

It vividly illustrates the sharp swings in people’s moods.

Today, David is an admired hero, yet tomorrow, he's England's disgrace.

In the same ecstasy, they praise him and then throw stones.

The crowd is blind and attacks everything: personal life, wife and children.

When asked how he endured it, David confesses: "I don't even know."

You need resilience to stick to your path against pressure.

It's crucial to have a partner who unconditionally supports you.

Most importantly, it’s about loving your craft, in David’s case—his game.

Your craft will always console and inspire, sober and give meaning to life.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Know Thyself / October 28, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

"If a person is surprised and upset, it means he doesn't know himself well.

That's the unexpected insight I got today as a gift.

The initial reaction is to get upset: 'Why does this relate to me?!'

Like, the problem is in a chaotic environment, society, or people.

But what if my ability to predict things is lousy?

Playing the victim in a hostile environment still leads me nowhere.

But there is a chance to improve something by focusing on myself.

Let's move on.

Surprise means that phenomenon X caught me off guard.

And I'm upset because my imagined X is more valuable than real X.

Some part of me desperately wanted it to be this way, not another.

Had I known about this obsession, I could have softened the blow.

It's like a dad shielding the table corner to protect his child.

But turns out, I'm not familiar with this part of myself.

Its fundamental needs are new to me.

It's no wonder I flinch and struggle with its abrupt cry.

Notice, the point isn't to somehow change this part of myself.

No, it's enough to get acquainted with it and understand what drives it.

Conclusion: The better we know ourselves, the less we're upset.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Pattern Recognition Mastery / October 27, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Your brain is a genius at recognizing patterns. This ability helped your ancestors survive in a hostile world. Millions of years ago, it meant distinguishing between a snake and a vine, or between edible and poisonous mushrooms.

Today, you no longer need to track wounded prey by following its trail in the grass. But pattern recognition remains your ticket to staying in the game and winning big. Take, for example, when you're a recognized expert in a certain field. Countless observation of trivial and complex situations has melted a 'magnifying glass' in you. A single glance is enough for you to say, "This is problem X, and it's solved like this."

In this way, you create value for others. No patient wants to hear from their doctor, "Wow, I've never seen anything like this before!" Your expertise removes the uncertainty and streamlines their journey from point A to point B.

So, to excel in your field, mere experience, knowledge, and accolades won't cut it. Like a samurai, you must regularly sharpen your blade. Evaluate each new case in terms of how it fits (or breaks) your established pattern. This way, both achievements and mistakes will make you a stronger expert.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Stop Burying Yourself / October 26, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

A person's potential is clear by the way he buries himself.

One digs with a shovel, another scoops with an excavator bucket.

A gifted person even destroys himself on a creative scale.

A sharp intellect devours any psychological defenses.

In essence, a person's power is turned inward.

The left hand battles the right.

The snake bites its own tail.

If the desire for life is strong, this battle can last for years.

Unfortunately, this wastes a colossal amount of energy.

Just like a swimmer struggling against the current, going nowhere.

Сompany founders describe these symptoms as:

"I feel burned out,"
"It's like I've hit a glass ceiling,"
"I'm losing interest in my business,"
"I don't know how to take my business to the next level,"
"What's the point of giving my all if there's no progress?" and so on.

The good news is that the limitation is in your own mind.

And that means the solution to unleash your energy is right there.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Conflict: Inside or Outside? / October 25, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

"When an individual does not become conscious of their inner contradictions, the world acts out the conflict and is torn in opposite halves," wisely pointed out Carl Jung.

If we perceive ourselves as separate and autonomous beings, Jung's statement may seem perplexing. What does the world have to do with me?

However, the philosopher Eugene Gendlin believed that the process of interaction between a living being and its environment comes first. The nature of this process determines the kind of being one becomes. For instance, our lungs only make sense because there is an Earth's atmosphere.

In this light, the division between internal and external conflict is arbitrary. What unfolds outside simultaneously exists within. You are the conflict, and the conflict is you.

So why be surprised that a conflict replays itself over and over? The scenery, participants, and time may change, but the essence remains the same. The plot will play on endlessly until someone says, "Stop!"

Only someone who:

recognizes the problem's presence,
takes responsibility for what's happening,
is determined to find a solution no matter what.

But why and how does one become aware of their inner conflict? After all, for so long it was convenient to believe that the problem lay with other people, the state, circumstances and so forth.

You must get tired of seeing the same story over and over again. The question "Why is this happening to me again?" is the beginning of a new stage.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Imperfect Opportunities / October 24, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

We tend to expect miracles and dream big.

The problem is, these dreams can block our view of reality.

While we're daydreaming, we're missing what's right before us.

The amazing opportunities are begging for our attention.

Some are so bold as to tap us on the shoulder and pull at our sleeves.

And we brush them off, saying, "Don't bother me, I'm building castles in the air."

Truth is, these current opportunities don't look anything like a shimmering ideal.

They're usually messy, awkward, and rough around the edges, i.e., imperfect.

But if you take a closer look, their availability and usefulness are astonishing.

No, it's not a magical elixir turning our lives into paradise.

Instead, it's a hearty drink helping us survive here and now.

Life doesn't give us what we want, but what we truly need.

So, to suffer less, we need to be a little bit more grateful.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Worry Annihilator / October 23, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

One question can rid you of needless worries.

Remember it when someone panics or pressures you.

Ask: 'What's the potential harm here?'

Then press for a clear answer, keeping the question on track.

Most times, you'll find no real reason to worry.

At most, it's like that joke: 'Yeah, it's bad, but not 'end-of-the-world' bad.'

Our biggest fear often lurks in the pitch-black darkness, hunting us down.

It's the meta-image of a fanged, venomous, fire-breathing death.

Those fiery eyes? Just a harmless raccoon, a man-eating bear, or...?

But as soon as you figure out, 'Oh, it's X!,' there is a relief.

Next, lay out the likely damage from a collision with X.

Have you noticed how the problem quietly turns into a task?

The rest is easy. Task management is what our minds are very good at.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Fear is Good / October 22, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Each of us has a list of the most valuable books.

Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear" is definitely in my top ten.

Gavin is a worldwide expert in personal security.

Jeff Bezos, John Travolta and Madonna are among his clients.

What's unique about his advice is that he focuses on the implicit.

Your intuition tries to save you by giving very specific signals.

Fear is a high-level signal. You should always listen to it.

Following fear, these come in succession:

Bad feeling,
Suspicion,
Doubts,
Bodily sensations,
Assumptions, and
Curiosity.

Also important are persistent anxiety, obsessive thought, surprise and worry.

Sometimes, a harmless joke reveals a threat that your intuition senses but your mind doesn't yet.

Gavin believes that when it comes to danger, your intuition is always right in at least two crucial ways:

It never pops up out of the blue.
It always works in your favor.

After reading this book, you'll see your fear differently.

The usual ignoring, belittling, and disdain will fade away.

Instead, you'll find respect, appreciation, and gratitude.

Life is so unpredictable. So why reject this gift?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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This Is Our Secret / October 21, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

"Your articles make me think."

Lately, that's been the best compliment.

The reader is right - that's exactly my intention.

Every day, gigabytes of texts, videos, and posts flood us.

They are pseudo-simple, shallow, and dogmatic.

Like sweet and fragrant donuts, they go down easily.

After all, processed food dulls existential hunger.

My tool isn't an exclamation mark, it's a question mark.

Isn't it cooler to discover things than to know in advance?

So, when I start writing, I have no idea where I'll end up.

This way, there's a higher risk of misinterpreting my articles.

But there's also a plus - current understanding grows bit by bit.

Curiously, I do not share all articles from this newsletter on social media.

It means: I trust you much more as a conversation partner.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Keeping What You've Got / October 20, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Growing, obtaining, or building something isn't easy.

But it's no less challenging to preserve, maintain or support.

Sadly, we tend to praise the first and underestimate the second.

Because progress is made by overcoming epic struggles.

And maintenance? It's the routine reproduction of known steps.

Like magpies, people grasp not what's valuable but what shines brighter.

But the secret is that without the second, the first can't exist.

You can't put out a fire with a leaky bucket.

Income growth doesn't matter if there is a faster rise of overheads.

A hunter is effective when he knows his home and family are safe.

The value of the maintenance function isn't immediately apparent.

For some, it takes earning a lot, and then losing it all.

The one who can achieve and preserve becomes unstoppable.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

”Who are you and what do you do?"
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