Who is the Author of Your Game? / June 4, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Do you have competitors?

If the answer is "yes," then you're a participant in someone else's game.

Therefore, your success depends on the whims of the author.

The one who wrote the rules can change them at any moment.

For example, one day Amazon or LinkedIn may block your account.

But the most important thing is that every game is based on conflict and drama.

Victory and defeat imply a struggle for a limited resource introduced artificially by the author.

Attempting to challenge the limit threatens the existence of the game, and the "rebel" will be harshly punished by the system.

Does this mean that you should give up any game?

Not at all, because engaging in gameplay undoubtedly develops us.

But in addition to the role of a participant, it makes sense to become the author yourself.

By that, I mean creating a new game where the plot unfolds within you, rather than externally.

Here, the protagonist and antagonist are aspects of one's personality.

The rules are designed so that you wake up wanting to play again every morning.

You don't have competitors because your goals, path, and means are unique.

But what about limitations? They certainly exist; otherwise, there won't be any intensity.

As for the prize pool, there is no limit in your game at all.

Everything that holds you back at any given moment is solely you.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Art of Hearing / June 3, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

To truly hear a person, I must forget about myself.

Otherwise, I'll be waiting for a convenient moment to say something of my own.

Most of the communication between people is not a dialogue but a monologue.

People look each other in the face, but everyone speaks about themselves and with themselves.

I realized this when I was studying the psychotherapeutic method called "Focusing."

That's when I felt the difference between being listened to and being heard.

It turns out, it's a special skill that's not so easy to develop.

Why? You need to set aside your beloved ego, at least for a while.

Over the course of several years, I've learned this, and now during business therapy sessions, I'm present but absent—I'm only the client.

Entrepreneurs note in their reviews: "Alexander possesses the rare patience to listen and the ability to hear," "I appreciate his calmness, sincerity, and listening skills," "Alexander has a unique skill—he listens."

This aspect may not seem crucial to anyone from the outside.

But I know that the root cause of the problem cannot be found otherwise.

"Never attempt to cure what you don't understand," they say in Poland.

The paradox is that you need to be heard by others in order to truly understand yourself.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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On the Path to Breakthrough / June 2, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Why is it difficult to make a breakthrough in business or career?

People cannot endure the phase of creative destruction, that is, chaos.

The path to the Garden of Eden lies through hell, symbolically or literally.

It requires willingly diving into frightening uncertainty.

In learning a new skill, it means being a "fool" for a while.

In discovering new lands, it means accepting the chance of getting lost.

In innovation, it means enduring frustration until the "Aha!"

Here, it is impossible to avoid discomfort, boredom, pain, or anxiety.

It's important to understand the meaning of the process and value each phase.

Additionally, the skill of navigating through chaos is necessary, whether you possess it or your guide does.

Also, either you or your guide should be proficient to navigate through chaos.

Finally, you need to have an answer to the question: "What do you want it for?

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Focus in the whirlpool of opportunities / June 1, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Sometimes the problem is not lack of opportunity, but abundance.

"There are plenty of projects and stress, but no dividends, excitement, or personal space," confesses the entrepreneur. Drought is harmful, but continuous rains are dangerous too. In the whirlpool of tasks, it's easy to drown, wasting energy in vain. And what about business? It reflects the founder's state of being since employees generate a lot of activity, yet in the end, it all turns out to be a fizzle.

The situation resembles scattered beautiful Christmas ornaments everywhere. This magnificence requires a support rod, but the tree isn't there yet. My task is to help the founder find this rod.

The solution is not simply to declare, "You need focus." It is crucial to understand what specific barriers prevent the individual from achieving it. Typically, it is an unconscious false belief. Once the misconception loses its power, the hierarchy of goals and values immediately becomes clear. The founder says, "Ah, I see, my strategic priorities are X, Y, and Z."

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Strategy Session Dilemma / May 31, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Marlon Brando on the set of Julius Caesar, 1953

Should you have a strategy session with your team or not?

Many founders and CEOs secretly struggle with this dilemma.

A session is necessary because all parts of the company are clearly out of sync. But judging from past experience, a session is unlikely to be beneficial.

In the end, compromise wins—the pseudo-session at a modest price, without the involvement of the leader, and with entertainment for the team.

The mistaken belief is that the group's problem should be solved within the group.

We need to go back to a moment in the past when there were no employees yet, but the company already existed.

The founder had a vision of what kind of business could be built when the market opportunity forcefully called out, "Take the plunge, it's worth it!"

The future leader had to establish a hierarchy of goals and values within himself because there were many ideas, few resources, and time working against him (her).

Without clarity in mind, the entrepreneur wouldn't have been able to sign the first client, entice a talented employee, negotiate with partners, or raise capital.

In other words, synchronization begins in a single mind.

And only then, in the case of success, does it scale to everyone.

That's why in 99 out of 100 cases, I work with founders one-on-one.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Evil of Good Intentions / May 30, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

My greatest fear is of naive people with good intentions.

Over millions of years, all primates have developed a sense of smell for malicious intent. However, benevolence overcomes defensive barriers like the Ebola virus.

The infernal blend of empathy and hysteria disorients even the most rational individuals. And the inexperienced are drawn en masse to the promise of virtue, like salmon to spawn.

Their movement resembles a crusade, a sectarian trance, or a witch hunt. The same ecstasy from moral righteousness and readiness to apply force to heretics.

In the event of a successful revolution, cynical scoundrels devour naive fanatics from within. Unfortunately, the scale of this utopia only becomes clear when cities turn to ruins. All social experiments have had a bloody finale—USSR, Cambodia, China, etc.

But what is most striking is that the repetition of tragedy teaches the 'good' people nothing. Without batting an eye, they declare, "The mistake was in the execution, not the idea itself."

Blatant evil is horrifying, but at least it can be noticed and successfully confronted.

More terrifying is the idea of universal harmony, equality, and happiness, gleaming in bulging eyes.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Problems, Tasks, and Dilemmas / May 29, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Cartoon showing William Ewart Gladstone in a dilemma, 1886

In business, it's important to distinguish between problems, tasks, and dilemmas.

A terrible initial state A and a desirable final state B are there for all.

Unlike a task, in a problem, the path to achieving B is unknown.

People usually describe a problem as 'I know what, but I don't know how.'

A dilemma is a choice between two equally unacceptable options.

You can easily recognize a dilemma by its sharp horns:

"On one hand, there's X, but on the other hand, there's anti-X. What should I do?"

More often than not, the way out of a dilemma is paradoxical, i.e. it defies logic.

At least that's how it seems to the "rational" mind hanging on the horns.

The mind cannot transcend its own logical constructs.

Thus the human psyche needs a strong impulse to make a breakthrough.

A shock event, personal crisis, or a specialist can help.

A founder later exclaims, "It's so obvious! How could I not notice this?"

The bonus is that the worldview gets upgraded to version 2.0.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Hidden Arsenal / May 28, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

I can't help but think that we've already got everything we need.

No, I'm not talking about accepting a sorry state of affairs.

It's clear that we deserve, desire, and can achieve more.

I'm referring to the resources available to us on this path.

Often, we complain about an excess of barriers and a shortage of means.

In a dead-end, we feel like our reserves are depleted while threats are boundless.

But every medicine becomes poisoned when overdosed.

Water is a source of joy, yet it claims the lives of 320,000 people worldwide yearly.

We hardly befriended dogs before they were domesticated 15,000 years ago.

Every phenomenon is initially harmful until understood by humans.

It is only afterward that it becomes useful or neutral.

As self-defense expert Rory Miller says, "The difference between danger and a tool is who first uses it."

Whether something is good or evil to us is a question of perspective.

The necessary tool is right at our fingertips; we just don't see it yet.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Why people can't agree? / May 27, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Why is it so difficult for people to agree with each other?

You'll be surprised if you read until the end.

One suspects everyone of having evil intentions.

The other feels trapped by imposed impossible conditions.

The third considers the potential partner a fool.

Like, he just doesn't seem to grasp his obvious advantage.

Promising partnerships fail to materialize or suddenly fall apart.

In reality, the reason often lies elsewhere.

People can't come to an agreement because they don't know themselves.

Externally, we all look similar, but inside each of us has our own inner drama club.

Psychotype, parents, and a chain of early events shape our lives.

The inner conflict goes unnoticed, and therefore, unacknowledged.

The drama is projected from within onto objects and people.

A similar script is replayed with everyone, always and everywhere.

This goes on endlessly until one gets tired to death.

The weary gaze finally turns inward in search of insight.

Knowing what drives a person grants the choice of how to act.

Once you reconcile with yourself, reaching agreements with others becomes easy.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Who Supports All of This? / May 26, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

It's a mistake to think of peace as society's natural state.

Prosperity is possible only when there are no reasons to fear.

Spontaneously, order never arises in business.

Why? Forces of chaos relentlessly strive to destroy everything.

The city gets mired in riots, the body weakens, the garden turns into a wild wood.

The only one preventing a collapse is the proactive creator.

A vigilant watch ensures border security.

Muscle functionality is maintained by a training rhythm.

The founder adapts a model, which is then scaled by everyone.

In short, someone must relentlessly fight to sustain life.

If comfort lasts too long, the creator's contribution tends to be forgotten.

Until the cozy order of things goes out of whack.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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”Who are you and what do you do?"
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The Paradox of Building Systems / May 25, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Building a system is always non-systemic (at the beginning).

Most managers find it difficult to understand and accept this fact.

To create a new order, one must first dive into chaos.

You need to search for the cat in a dark room, risking that it may not be there.

All activity will seem ineffective, empty, and foolish.

It is a true torture for a conscientious and responsible man.

Essentially, creating a system from scratch is a leap of faith.

The creator believes: Sooner or later he will make something out of nothing.

He relies not so much on special skills as on values.

The trials are bearable because the creator has a meaning that redeems them.

Now we can formulate the difference between a founder and a manager.

They have different answers to the question: "What for?"

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Reluctant Leadership / May 24, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

I didn't want to be CEO.

Yet, I reluctantly agreed at the request of the shareholders.

Becoming a co-founder of a group of companies hadn't crossed my mind. Fate, however, presented an opportunity, and I begrudgingly accepted.

A similar scenario unfolded later when an acquaintance investor dazzled me with a proposition: to create and manage a $50 million investment fund. It took time to convince me, but eventually, I acquiesced.

It's believed that great achievements require insatiable ambitions. However, my unusual career illustrates that unique opportunities come to us if we put our heart and soul into what we do.

Why? Because we create exceptional value for others only when we forget ourselves. Passionate resolution of others' problems yields rapid learning and exponential growth. It's only a matter of time before Mr. Market notices our progress and rewards us.

First, function matures; then, form gradually follows suit.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Real Business Bottleneck / May 23, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

In engineering, a bottleneck is a phenomenon where one component significantly limits the performance of the entire system.

This means that investing anywhere other than the bottleneck is a waste of resources. Neither a trendy label, nor a technologically advanced cap, nor an ergonomic cup can increase the flow of liquid from the bottle. On the contrary, even the slightest widening of the bottleneck immediately improves the desired result.

So why do many companies act as if they have not one, but dozens of bottlenecks, which is impossible by definition?

Local optimization occurs when a subsystem, such as the marketing or procurement department, considers its own goal to be the most important. This leads to a struggle between subsystems, resulting in a more toxic corporate culture, a less agile company, an unhappy team, and poorer investors.

But don't rush to accuse people of greed and egocentrism. Local optimization often arises due to a lack of global meaning. Someone failed to convey it to everyone in time. It is clear that the primary source of meaning is the company founder. When founders fulfill their function, if you wake any employee up in the middle of the night, they will blurt out, "Our bottleneck is right here!"

So why don't entrepreneurs give their employees an answer to this fundamental question? Attempts to understand this inevitably lead to the conclusion that the bottleneck of the company is the founders themselves.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Frustrating Learning Dynamics / May 22, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

99 out of 100 problems I create for myself. You probably do too.

In the past, I was ignorant and simply suffered when something bad happened to me. Now, I can't help but see the cause-and-effect relationship. Unfortunately, the convenient option of shifting responsibility onto others or fate has disappeared forever. In moments of weakness I long to return to the darkness of ignorance, for seeing and not preventing is far worse.

Strangely enough, my experience in jiu-jitsu comforts me, where I've felt the same way many times. Imagine being forced to surrender because you found yourself in a dead end, even though nothing seemed to foreshadow it. The strange situation must repeat itself multiple times to completely annoy you and push you to search for a solution. You eagerly scan YouTube and ask questions to anyone, trying to then apply contradictory advice into practice.

There's no result for a long time, but one day you notice that you resisted a bit longer. Then a hunch turns into insight: "Ah, that's where my main mistake was!" But it's too early to rejoice because knowledge and skill are separated by a chasm. You continue to lose and curse, now aware of where and when you messed up. And only after dozens, or even hundreds, of "lessons," you achieve mastery when you sense danger from a mile away and sidestep it.

One can hope that in a similar way, we learn in business and life in general. The intermediate stage of discouragement is inevitable when innocence is lost but maturity hasn't yet been earned. The only option left is to learn faster. How? Maintain curiosity, make as many iterations as possible, and extract meaning from each one.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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It's All About Perspective / May 21, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

What's that moving in the grass? A dog in a poncho? Or drunk?"

While the bright red object made peculiar movements, my mind frantically searched for a suitable template to explain it.

It turned out to be a forgotten heart-shaped balloon: "Ah, I see." The anomaly seamlessly fit into the familiar world. A small example, but encounters with Novelty happen just like that.

A new event can evoke surprise or shock depending on its weirdness, suddenness, and magnitude. The phenomenon will burn a person from within until he (or she) find a way to "tame the fire." Any "wild" object must be captured, studied, and understood. Otherwise, danger will lurk everywhere.

But sometimes an event is so absurdly extraordinary that there are no analogues in our knowledge base. The organism may fall into a state of anabiosis, transforming into one big question. And until an answer is found, it is impossible to live and act fully. The individual becomes a pale reflection of himself, leaving family and friends bewildered, while the business merely drifts by inertia.

Then there are three options. The first one: the unbearable burden can trigger a self-destructive spiral leading downwards. The second: unable to solve the problem, the organism encapsulates it in a bubble. It brings discomfort, but with bandages and painkillers, functioning is possible. The third: finding an alternative perspective (theory, paradigm) that will explain the disorienting phenomenon in a way that restores confidence and peace to your mind.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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”Who are you and what do you do?"
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How to Maintain Focus? / May 20, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Why do business opportunities get lost and profits decline?

There are many reasons, but the loss of focus in a company is one of the main ones. The problem is that focus cannot be set once and forgotten. It's even more challenging than shooting a bow while riding at full gallop.
Not only does the horse move and the context change, but the very goal requires regular reassessment.

Performance-oriented founders often realize too late how the surrounding environment has changed, aging all their well-established systems. Innovative-minded founders come across too many promising ideas, but they no longer have the resources to implement them.

Entrepreneurs need to schizophrenically split their minds in order to simultaneously hold conflicting stimuli within themselves. Being simultaneously firm and flexible, evolutionary and revolutionary, isolated and open is undoubtedly very difficult. Add to this the psychoemotional dynamics within the individual, and it's no wonder that companies often veer off the road or remain stuck in one place.

To maintain focus amidst this chaos, a person needs a third eye. We're not talking about mystical enlightenment to observe quarks and chakras, but about self-transcendence, which means going beyond the bounds of habitual thinking that keeps us trapped in the web of inertia and misbeliefs.

The most practical way is to outsource the perspective of the Other. Join the community of entrepreneurs, work with a psychotherapist, and/or create an advisory board. If this Other is mature, professional, and honest, you will find a reflection of your micro-world in their eyes not as your subconscious desires it to be, but as it really is. That's when it becomes easy to maintain focus on the goal, as if you were born in the saddle.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Mechanism of Successful Partnership - Part II / May 19, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

To analyze partnership, the metaphor of a ratchet mechanism is essential (read part I here).

The ratchet consists of two parts, each performing different functions: Development and Stabilization. Without a wheel, there would be no forward movement. And without a pawl, the wheel would spin chaotically from side to side. Together, they enable the ratchet to move exclusively forward.

Development makes no sense without Stabilization. But the reverse is also true - when the speed of movement slows down, fixation of achievements becomes absurd. By adhering to the ratchet's global goal, they simultaneously reveal their true purpose.

It's not mechanisms that make businesses, but living individuals who often forget why they came together. As a result, the local goals of one partner start dominating over the business's global goals. It's easy to imagine what would happen to the ratchet if the pawl starts hating the endless commotion of the wheel and tries to get rid of it. Or conversely, if the wheel starts getting annoyed that someone is restricting its freedom.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what happens in reality. As a CEO, co-founder, investor, and now a business therapist, I've witnessed and experienced countless partnerships, both successful and failed. Often, the reason lies in one partner's illusion that the achieved business results are solely due to the function they passionately serve. They believe that their partner is holding them back from realizing their potential and that of the business.

The problem is that from the local position of an individual element in the system, it appears to be true. The pawl indeed restricts the wheel's degrees of freedom. In turn, the wheel constantly jerks the pawl, denying it the desired rest. Both elements should create tension in each other since they inherently gravitate toward different things. That's why the other partner can be perceived as a hindrance or a threat. This is inevitable, and therefore, normal. The mistake occurs when the analysis stops at this point.

Fortunately, humans are not cast-iron components and can rise above the local context. Conflict begins to dissipate like fog when a partner remembers their meta-goal - to maximize the business's value and fulfill the company's mission. If you truly want to achieve the global goal, it is much easier to accept the necessity of forming an alliance with someone so different from yourself.

Moreover, by regularly meditating on the business as a whole, you will gradually begin to feel grateful that fate has brought you together with a partner who complements you so well. The other partner allows you to focus on what brings you meaning and joy. You just need to negotiate the rules of the game carefully from the very beginning and regularly revise them as the context changes. We'll discuss how to do it right sometime in the future.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Learning From Nature / May 19, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

In this photo, ten feet behind the moose, a mountain lion is lurking.

However, neither the moose nor the informed observer can see it.

The predator does everything to reduce the chances of prey to zero.

He craves not an epic battle but a swift victory without effort. Why?

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." (Mike Tyson)

Every fight is chaos where Chance reigns supreme.

Despite the might of fangs and claws, the predator's resources are limited.

A serious injury can make this hunt the lion's last.

And a fortunate opportunity may arise again only in a month.

Therefore, the lion's ideal is a sudden and devastating attack.

The best founders intuitively follow the laws of the wild.

They systematically create conditions where their victory is inevitable.

Once the groundwork is laid, winning becomes a tad boring.

The ripe fruit falls into the founder's hand with a light touch.

Can the same be said about your business?

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

P.S. SPOILER: Bottom right-hand side of the photo, just behind the big boulder.

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What did King Solomon not know? / May 18, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Solving our own conflicts is exponentially more challenging than resolving others'.

An intriguing scientific study explains why that's the case.

The asymmetry in applying wisdom towards others versus ourselves is known as the Solomon Paradox.

The king gained fame by resolving his subjects' most complex conflicts, yet ultimately destroyed his dynasty due to his extravagance and greed.

It turns out that everything lies in self-transcendence and positive affect, without the mediation of which wisdom becomes difficult to manifest.

Self-transcendence is the ability to go beyond our own selves, while positive affect is a state of energy, engagement and focus.

In personal conflicts, we feel threatened, hindering our capacity for transcendent mindset. A bee gets caught in the web.

However, when I contemplate a client's dilemma, I completely forget about myself. There is no fear or doubt, only the eagerness to find a solution as quickly as possible.

The ideal is when the founder and I soar together over a problem. Our minds, like two eagles, embark on a hunt for the desired prey.

But if self-transcendence is so crucial, how can we attain it?

There are numerous practices—from meditation to serving a higher purpose—that can facilitate it.

But if things get tough, I seek the advice of a mature person who is kind to me.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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”Who are you and what do you do?"
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From Chaos to Expertise / May 17, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

The more tangled the problem, the more paradoxical simplicity is needed.

In the midst of total chaos, solutions like "E2-E4" work best.

The mind simply can't adapt a complex tool to rapid changes.

That's why, in that moment, the primal amygdala takes control.

The alternative is when the algorithmic sword becomes an extension of the hand, paraphrasing the words of the samurai Musashi.

Even Bruce Lee feared the one who practiced a single kick 10,000 times.

In other words, the valuable pattern is dissolved within the neural system.

But where did it come from in the first place?

The ideal is a multitude of iterations to crystallize simplicity.

In other words, one must endure, suffer, and give birth to such a pattern.

However, not everyone is ready to focus on one thing again and again.

That's why it's so important to find, understand, and develop your superpower.

After all, it's easier to do what you can't help but do.

That's how a person (or a company) becomes an Expert.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

”Who are you and what do you do?"
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