What is Your Life's Pattern? /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

Your life is a unique pattern of complexity and beauty.

At first, someone or something else moves the needle, not you.

Parents, friends, or circumstances mold you like clay.

But sooner or later, the creator within awakens.

True, for some, only a catastrophe can provide the push.

However it is, potentially the Demiurge exists in everyone.

His function is to create a pattern that is impossible to replicate.

It's important to note that this is an inner dictate, not self-indulgence or folly.

In other words, it's the growing of personal meaning from the inside out.

The mistake is to compare the scope of influence on the planet and people.

How can one assess a mother's love for her children or the advice of a wiseman?

Everyone has their own purpose, which is sometimes unclear even in hindsight.

But it's absolutely clear when your pattern is real, honest, and alive.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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How to Outrace Age? /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

As one ages, their energy inevitably decreases.

A 50-year-old wrestler doesn't have the explosiveness and stamina he had at 20.

But it's not brute force that wins, it's a well-directed impulse.

A joke elicits laughter if delivered precisely at the right moment.

The power of the car's engine is important, but the software is even more critical.

It allows for quick energy replenishment and optimal performance.

A seasoned comedian doesn't rush, ramble, or flit about the stage.

He holds long pauses and with a single grimace breaks the audience's guts.

It's impossible, nor necessary, to stop the natural course of things.

However, nature is capable of giving something back while taking away much.

Provided that one continuously updates his or her software.

The ideal is when increasing wisdom exceeds decreasing strength.

Essentially, someone who gets close to the ideal doesn't age.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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How Do You Break Through a Ceiling That Doesn't Exist? /  by Alexander Lyadov

I've changed several industries in 25 years, but each time it wasn't my thing.

I usually achieved success quickly and then went into the unknown.

I felt like I was hitting an invisible, impenetrable ceiling.

Physics, psychology, philosophy, and religion didn't provide any answers.

Once I was so fiercely cornered that I squeezed out of myself: 'Help!'"

But no one came to my aid because it wasn't a scream, it was a whisper.

Another time I was wiser and sent a very clear signal to the world.

A strong man inspired me that I could handle everything myself.

A wise woman finally explained to me the nature of my superpower.

Instead of conforming to others, I created my own Thing.

Thus was born the Analytically Oriented Business Therapy.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Creativity in Negotiation: Best negotiations are those that never take place /  by Alexander Lyadov

Meditating alien man by Moebius

Moebius

 

There are many simple and sophisticated techniques for persuasion and negotiation that can help you more effectively get what you need from the other side. But the best strategy is when there are no negotiations at all, yet the desired result is achieved. One of my longtime business partners didn't like bargaining with people. He wasn't afraid of anyone and could be very tough when necessary, but emotions were not his forte. So his brilliant intellect found a systematic way out of this problem.

For any significant negotiations, he prepared meticulously, evaluated various scenarios, and built models in Excel. But most importantly, he did all this not only for himself but also for the other side. As a result, he had a clear understanding of the opponent's current position and the cost of their alternatives. At the negotiating table, my partner made only one proposal and calmly explained on numbers and facts why the opponent simply could not have a better offer.

Notably, his proposal was not super-aggressive. Each time, I even had a feeling that my partner was leaving value on the table. He explained, "I don't need any extra." But then he stood his ground unwaveringly. Disarmed by his insightful analysis, opponents desperately tried to emotionally pressure him. He would calmly reveal his next alternative, which, combined with the reasonableness of his original proposal, usually convinced everyone.

His approach echoes what experts on hostage release and extreme negotiations Christopher Voss and Derek Gaunt say: "It's not about you!" In other words, for successful negotiations, paradoxically, you need to forget about yourself and show "tactical empathy." You don't have to love your opponents, you just need to understand them. You need to focus on what's important and valuable to the other side. The clearer you understand what drives them and their ways of retreating, the easier it is to make an offer in the spirit of Don Corleone, which cannot be refused.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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Freeride Entrepreneurship: Danger or Fun /  by Alexander Lyadov

Unknown artist

Freeride snowboarding in untouched snow is an exhilarating experience: a sunny day, the ringing silence, and the beauty of wild nature. However, one mistake can turn  turn paradise into hell into hell. Being trapped upside down in a snowdrift is a death sentence by suffocation if no one is nearby to help.

In the city, there is almost always some service that will either come to help in time or provide a warning sign or fence to prevent danger. However, in the wilderness, people tend to act as if there are safety ropes everywhere. Nature does not care about individuals; it only stimulates natural selection. Its especially bad if a snowboarder decides that he can deal with any problems himself and goes snowboarding alone.This is pride, which is considered the cause of all other sins in both Islam and Orthodoxy. In ancient tradition, hubris (arrogance, boldness, insolence) is perceived by the gods as a challenge thrown at them, and they punish it with sudden disappearance of luck.

In the business world, most people spend their time on ski resorts, using lifts and skiing along prepared slopes. However, it is on untouched snow that the full potential of both the snowboard and the rider is unleashed. Thus, entrepreneurs venture into places where no one has ever set foot in search of achievement, adrenaline, and meaning. Many eventually find what they are looking for, but only if, first and foremost, they remember the treacherous nature of the environment that can both reward and destroy them in an instant. Secondly, even the strongest of them are alien to pride. They consciously seek support, whether it be a community of entrepreneurs, a board of directors, a business partner, a coach, or a psychotherapist.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Creativity in Negotiation: the Mindset of a Chooser /  by Alexander Lyadov

Theo. R. Davis

"Beggars should be no choosers." This powerful proverb was published in English writer John Heywood's collection in 1562. One can think of it in a positive light, feeling gratitude for any gift of fate, especially when you are stuck.

Of course, no one is immune to tragic blows of fate. Yesterday, someone was featured on the cover of Forbes, and today he or she is forced to hide in Asia from creditors. However, no one willingly and in his or her right mind wants to be in the position of a beggar. Nonetheless, in negotiations, we often corner ourselves, depriving ourselves of any freedom to choose.

The proverb suggests how it all happens. The stronger our obsession with a specific result in negotiations, the stronger our claws get stuck in the trap. Desperately wanting what we don't have but our opponent does, we turn into beggars who can be pushed around. In addition, the extreme degree of desperation awakens base instincts in a person cornered, which he will come to regret.

The opposite is also true — any reduction in our fixation on a specific form automatically enriches us. That is why true entrepreneurs are willing to do anything to increase the number of their degrees of freedom. They intuitively and consciously use different techniques to avoid falling into the trap of their obsession.

The simplest and most effective way is to find the next best alternative to what is so desired at the negotiating table. The better your alternative is worked out, the more unshakable you become. Note that you don't need to be naturally bold and cool-headed. You also don't need to squeeze or bluff anyone. It's enough to be ready to stand up and leave at any moment. Your world is richer than this deal.

As we can see, the choice of whether we are a beggar or a chooser largely depends on our knowledge of our nature and our ability to control ourselves.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

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From Victim to Predator: Unleashing Your Inner Power /  by Alexander Lyadov

buffalo attacks the lion back

Unknown artist

An entrepreneur can be in a resourceful state, but upon receiving stunning news about his (or her) business, family, or health, he may fall into a long period of abeyance. Or he may understand the impending danger but somehow feel unable to take action. In the arena of struggle, I regularly observe how difficult it is to overcome a strange apathy and activate the "combat mode," even though it may seem like one has slept, eaten, and have the strength. And sometimes the mode is activated spontaneously, and then the consciousness becomes clearer, and the energy increases exponentially. The question is where inside of us this "button" is located and how to keep it at hand.

Rory Miller spent 17 years in maximum-security prisons and psychiatric hospitals. In his book "Meditations on Violence," he writes: "Self-defense is never a choice. The attacker is in the predator mindset, not the victim. The victim will have to deal with shock and total surprise, the predator won’t. The essence of self-defense is breaking out of the frozen mindset you have been shocked into. If you can access the predator mindset a few seconds into the attack, you can turn the attack into something else. That’s powerful but takes great experience."

Rory's words are encouraging because switching from a victim to a predator mindset is a skill that can and should be trained. The goal is to defrost yourself as quickly as possible, make rational decisions, and start attacking the source of danger in response. When a criminal attacks, it's a matter of seconds, and when disaster strikes a business, usually the countdown is measured in months, weeks, or days. Personally, I find different methods helpful in flipping the switch: for jiu-jitsu — warming up with sparring partners, in business — advice from a more experienced person, in life — a therapist.

And what method do you use to ignite the fire within yourself?

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Want a Guarantee of Exciting Growth? Respect the Game /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

What's worse than losing in a wrestling match, not counting injuries?

Your opponent lets you know that it's so easy for him that it's boring. Or worse, he starts visibly giving in to you with a contemptuous smirk on his face. In street language, this means he's showing you "disrespect."

The problem is that now the Game has lost all meaning. Your opponent hasn't realized it yet, but with his disrespect, he's not just scratching your ego or tarnishing his own reputation, he's destroying the very essence of why both of you came to the mat.

Jiu-jitsu, like tango or business, is a social game that cannot be played transactionally, much less alone. All the most engaging games involve many rounds over many years, not only for the enjoyment but also for growing in skills alongside increasing complexity.

Therefore, if you want to achieve heights in business, dance, or sport, then Task No. 1 is to carefully choose, and then motivate, each of your partners to fully engage in the game. In other words, it's your responsibility too, to keep your partner's interest in the Game alive.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Unlocking the Secrets of Your Transformation /  by Alexander Lyadov

Imagine yourself as an experienced gardener. One day, you come across the seeds of an unfamiliar plant. Perhaps a recent typhoon brought them to your island. Out of curiosity, you decide to plant these strange seeds. You are not sure what will grow from them, but you do understand the general process that applies to all plants.

You probably don't know specifically what this type of plant needs. You have to be extremely attentive not to accidentally kill it. You create conditions favorable for it to develop - planting the seeds in black soil, providing water, putting up a fence to protect them from wild animals, etc. Finally, the first sprouts appear. Gradually, the delicate plant transforms into a luxurious tree. Its appearance alone already adorns your garden. Every day, you observe some progress. However, you still do not understand when the strange tree will start bearing fruit or what its fruit will look like. Therefore, you continue to carefully care for it and patiently wait for the culmination of the process.

With an anomalous plant, anything is possible. It can surprise you tomorrow or, conversely, keep the intrigue for several years. Once it happens, you will know the entire cycle from sowing to harvesting. And, if you like the collected fruits, you can repeat this cycle again. Instead of uncertainty, there will be knowledge.

Most of us spend a significant part of our lives studying the features of growing known plant species, figuratively speaking. And we become exceptionally good at it, achieving universal recognition, prosperity, and self-respect. But one day, we wake up with a vague longing that this is not all. It's as if we're missing something important, without which our life is not a life. Over time, the vague feeling grows, turning into a physically palpable need - an existential hunger, a metaphysical void.

If you approach this unusual state with respect and attention, an exciting and rewarding experiment awaits you. You just have to refrain from running away, hiding, or plugging the emptiness inside you with artificial substitutes. One day, the wind of change will inevitably throw strange seeds into your garden. More precisely, it regularly threw them there; you just didn't notice them before.

Metamorphosis (from ancient Greek μεταμόρφωσις, meaning "transformation") is a mysterious process that unfortunately is not taught anywhere today. Everyone has to rediscover it for themselves. Fortunately, the process of transformation is one, eternal and universal. And it doesn't matter in which area it will start for you. For some, radical changes will occur in their business, for others in creativity, for the third in their family, and for the fourth in sports.

Just remember that you are not just a confused and intrigued gardener. You are also fertile soil, seeds of an unknown plant, warm sun, and the water of life.

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

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A Sacrifice to Nature and to Business /  by Alexander Lyadov

As soon as we step into nature and take a deep breath of fresh air, we exclaim, "Why don't I come to the forest more often?" But before the trip, we have different thoughts: "Why bother going somewhere? The city is so cozy. And in nature, there are burns, mosquitoes, and ticks." The only way to truly understand the meaning and joy of certain activities is to dive into them headfirst. Sometimes literally, like when you catch yourself thinking in the pool, "Swimming is so cool! And I didn't even want to go." Every time, I am struck by the contrast between the trembling body before the icy water and the enthusiasm of the energized mind afterward.

Entrepreneurship and cold showers are similar in that they require an initial investment in order to earn income. Something valuable must be sacrificed - energy, time, and/or capital. This barrier effectively divides people into those who are willing to part with something dear today and those who are not. Fairy tales and parables often require the contender to try not once, not twice, but three times to prove his or her seriousness of intent.

The price itself is not important, whether it's one cent or one hundred million dollars. The value is determined by the benefit the individual expects to derive. Society often engages in too many discussions and debates about price, saying that $XXX is ridiculously high or low. It is much more productive to ask oneself, "What desired state do I intend to achieve with $XXX?"

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The ROI of Failure /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

Do you want each of your analysis, decision, and step to be wise?

I really want to, but unfortunately, I regularly stumble and fall face down in the mud. Working with entrepreneurs, I observe how often they also make mistakes despite their business success and the image of being fate's favorites. The only way to eliminate a misstep is to close the system. When all parameters are under control, perfection is achievable. However, the world changes chaotically like the rainbow spots of gasoline in a puddle. Furthermore, our actions themselves have the effect of a billiard ball breaking the environment (Hello, ChatGPT).

Locking ourselves in an ivory tower, our mind is simply unable to predict what the ricochet will be - there are too many balls. Naive people flee to a land of fantasy from this fact. Psychopaths try to forcibly bend the world and people to their ideal. Only a mature person accepts mistakes as a given, taming them just as our ancestor turned a wolf into a dog 15,000 years ago.

Wise founders act paradoxically - they make mistakes hundreds of times more often. But firstly, they do so consciously, secondly, on their own terms, and thirdly, they minimize the negative effect. For them, a mistake is an affordable investment with a fantastically high ROI. And even if there is a threat of catastrophe, they react instantly, mitigating the harmful consequences, or even turning poison into medicine. As the British Prime Minister said to Queen Elizabeth II in the series "The Crown": "We do what we have to do as leaders. Our job is to calm more crises than we create."

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Paradox of Importance /  by Alexander Lyadov

Unknown photographer

 

It is believed that a goal can only be achieved if one desires it strongly enough. And immediately there is an explanation for failure: 'You just didn't want it enough.'

But, for example, in negotiations the opposite is true - the one who is least attached to the outcome wins. After all, it is impossible to seduce or intimidate someone who can easily get up from the table and walk away without any regrets.

Sometimes entrepreneurs harm themselves by attaching too much importance to a big contract with a new client or getting investment from a PE or VC fund. Their excessive anxiety and despair make the other side tense up, increase the distance, and eventually wave their hand goodbye.

On the contrary, the deal is closed more easily and quickly when the founder exudes a cool, lazy interest in any outcome. Therefore, experienced entrepreneurs do their homework before the deal to achieve a paradoxical state where the important goal exists but the importance of it doesn't.

As the heroine of the novel Shantaram wisely said: "The real trick in life is to want nothing, and to succeed in getting it."

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Aggression in Business Partnerships /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

Do you feel increasingly irritated by your co-founder's actions?

But you remain silent, even though anger is building up inside you.

"It's OK. Things will work out somehow," you whisper to yourself.

Remember: Aggression is the energy of defending your boundaries.

If it can't find a target, it will attack you, like a domesticated wolf.

Ultimately, everyone will suffer, including your health, family, and kids.

All because you are strictly forbidden to "bite" your business partner.

What is it? Why? Where did their sacred status come from?

You may have unknowingly created a halo over your partner's head.

Something about this person or partnership is very valuable to you.

For example, you're convinced your business won't survive without him or her.

There may be many reasons, but the outcome is the same: you are backed into a corner.

That's why typical solutions like "just talk it out" are not very helpful.

Increasing your degrees of freedom should be your top priority now.

Only when you are both strong can you have a constructive dialogue.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Breaking the Spell: How to Solve Your Chronic Business Problems /  by Alexander Lyadov

If a serious problem is not being solved, one has to endure it, right? Moreover, in order to accommodate it, one must change his (or her) lifestyle. Various lubricants, crutches, and services are acquired to either eliminate or at least alleviate the negative symptoms. Eventually, the daily ritual of applying creams, spending on medication, and limiting mobility become the norm, and no one even thinks about changing the status quo.

If the "patient" has locked himself in a cluster, for example, by communicating with a limited circle of people, the situation worsens and the person remains marinating for years in his own misconceptions. The only chance to wake up from this obsession is to emerge from the cocoon into the light. Thus, on a domestic level, when inviting guests over, the hosts suddenly realize with horror the mess in their own home.

External shock can also awaken a person from their carefully built but fragile coping mechanisms and habits around a chronic problem. In desperation, one has to look for quick hacks, resorting to unimaginable things, burning nerves, and paying huge amounts of cash.

Interestingly, the dynamics described above are the same for individuals, communities, and companies. If we do not prefer the sobering effect of fate's bite, the only ecological way to break the spell is to receive a sober, honest, and independent answer from outside to the question, "Why is my hateful problem so strangely stubborn?" But first, there must be the realization, "What is wrong with my business? I honestly don't know what to do."

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Why Is the Last Mission Doomed? /  by Alexander Lyadov

Dear, I promise, this is the last time! - says a con artist or movie hero to his girlfriend before embarking on a dangerous mission. The prediction comes true, but not at all as he had hoped. Instead of freedom, he finds himself in prison, instead of luxury, poverty, and instead of a Piña Colada, a bullet in his head.

Hollywood got it right — life follows the same script. The last set in weightlifting is particularly tricky. Experts pay special attention to the getting out of the starvation mode and landing with a parachute. When I hear "That's it, the last fight!" in jiu-jitsu, I whisper to myself, "I could do a couple more," even if I'm completely exhausted. Why?

The word "last" dramatically increases the importance of what is happening due to the transition from one state to another. At the same time, awareness is reduced because one's mind is already far away. There is a loss of context, which for a risky activity means a cascade of errors and imminent collapse. .

Experienced entrepreneurs try to maintain a clear mind and to do so, they reduce the importance of upcoming events, whether it's a business sale or signing a key client. Instead of thinking, "I'll make a cashout and live in paradise!", they think, "The local business is more or less clear. The question is how to systematically enter the market in the US."

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

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The Anatomy of Collapse /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

How does the collapse of an individual, business, or state occur?

Shockingly, the process is the same when observed from a high level.

For a long time everything seems fine, except for strange signals that make one raise your eyebrows, shrug his shoulders or curl your lips in disdain.

Metaphorically speaking, there are cracks appearing here and there in the ship of life, through which icy water tries to seep in.

One crack is plugged with whatever is at hand, a bucket is placed under another, and the discomfort of the third is somehow endured.

The situation resembles a juggler who gradually increases the number of objects hovering over his head.

The fragility of the system increases, and it becomes clear that it is doomed, although it is impossible to predict when the collapse will occur and what will trigger it.

The point is that the vulnerable points gradually stop being local and unite their destructive powers.

That is why experienced entrepreneurs are paranoid about the appearance, repetition, and especially the multiplication of anomalous facts.

Such vigilance not only allows a business to survive, but also helps the founders take the business to the next level, as hidden value can be found in every anomaly.

So, are there any weird things happening in your company?

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Hidden Source of Your Negotiation Problems /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

Why reducing your partner's anxiety in negotiations is advantageous?

Confusion, nervousness, and fear drive rationality out of communication.

Your words may be misinterpreted or misunderstood.

As a result, the deal will fall apart, or the agreement will wear you out, and a three-page contract will turn into a multivolume Talmud.

For the common good, it is necessary that your partner remains calm like a well-fed python.

What causes great anxiety? Uncertainty, complexity, ambiguity, etc.

And in negotiations, the source of uncertainty for your partner is you.

Even if you ask yourself "Why should I?", it is better to take on this responsibility.

This allows you to discover the chaos within yourself that has already caused partnerships, initiatives or deals to fail.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

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Who is a Founder and Who Isn't? /  by Alexander Lyadov

 

What is your definition of a business founder?

In my opinion, it's someone who cares more than anyone else.

An employee can afford to forget about work at 6 p.m.

A creditor only cares about the repayment schedule of the principal and interest.

An investor is concerned about how portfolio company KPIs translate into ROI.

But for founders, the state of their business is the #1 priority 24/7/365.

Entrepreneurs lose interest in their business in three cases.

First, when they burn out for one reason or another.

Second, when they close or, on the contrary, sell their business.

Third, if their new business is 10x better than their current one.

Until then, their minds and subconscious are busy finding ways out of the next impasse.

They simply can't not do it, because to see a market opportunity and not seize it would be to cease to be themselves.

The founders would like to share their burden, but unfortunately there are no takers for the responsibilities — only for the rights.

If you want to have a share in the business or make a successful career, then you have probably already guessed what the "secret" is.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Where Do Ideas Come from? /  by Alexander Lyadov

Unknown artist

 

It is a great mystery where and how ideas come from.

What happens to them afterward is clear to everyone.

If zero is phantom, then one can be scaled to a billion.

Everything around us is made up of ideas poured into the form of things.

Moments before the lightning strike of insight, humanity was in the dark.

Suddenly - bam! Nothing gave birth to Something. The world changed forever.

Only someone unfamiliar with creativity fails to appreciate this revolution.

The creator, however, is aware of his (or her) narcotic dependence on the dealer of stunning ideas, whose face he has never seen.

Knowing that without this source, he is nothing, fills him with humility, awe, and gratitude for the privilege.

And the more often a person stays on the border where μεταμόρφωσις boils, the more flexible his mental framework becomes, and the stronger the connection between the source and the creator.

Mental flexibility reveals to him the hidden valuable meaning of even the darkest events.

Therefore, a true creator is a living paradox, a blend of "+" and "-".

So he is almost no longer afraid of conflict, stagnation, and emptiness.

He has often seen how just one thought turns lead into gold.

That is why, for example, a founder is calm when everything around him seems to be falling apart.

Because he is both an ambassador of Order and Chaos.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

”Who are you and what do you do?"
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

"I have an important business decision to make. Can you help me?
Reserve a time on my calendar that is convenient for you to meet with me. We'll clarify your request and discuss options for how you can help.

The Future of Business Communication — Pigeons or Morse Code? /  by Alexander Lyadov

Does the depth of conversation disappear if it's not in person, but on video call?

Can a multi-million dollar deal be closed without personal meetings?

What if, instead of lying on an office couch, the client calls a psychoanalyst?

It seems that changing the channel of communication threatens relationships.

But a psychotherapist I know insists: "Not at all. A warm alliance is either there or it's not."

The connection between people is different and greater than all the channels.

Hearing, seeing or feeling that you are the most important person to your interlocutor at the moment, what difference does it make?

In other words, what people exchange, not how they exchange, matters.

Actually, that's why the opposite phenomenon is also known — empty speech.

But has it not long been known that it is easier to resolve conflicts face-to-face than via email?

Indeed, the channel becomes significant when there is no trust between people.

Immediately doubts, prejudices and anxieties awaken, distorting every word, hum or gesture to the core.

In conclusion, as long as there is trust between you and your partner, client, or investor, you can communicate with them using any means, even pigeons or Morse code.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

You can help Ukraine defend itself and the World from Russian aggression here.

”Who are you and what do you do?"
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

"I have an important business decision to make. Can you help me?
Reserve a time on my calendar that is convenient for you to meet with me. We'll clarify your request and discuss options for how you can help.