Where to Find Harmony? / October 3, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

The further I go, the less I believe we can change the world.

Over millennia, almost everything has changed—except human nature.

Technology can add comfort, speed, and extra years of life. But when it comes to human flaws, it’s powerless. Worse, some “brilliant” apps effectively plunge people into hell.

There’s a clever meme online showing a table of the seven deadly sins:

Tinder – Lust.
Yelp – Gluttony.
LinkedIn – Greed.
Netflix – Sloth.
Facebook – Envy.
Twitter – Wrath.
Instagram – Pride.

Wherever you look in the world, it’s getting harder to find islands of sanity. If not tyranny, then anarchy. Either it’s soullessness and violence, or despair and madness. A buffet-style chaos to choose from.

But if you read history, it’s clear that this has all happened many times before. Humanity panics at new waves, lurching from one side to the other, risking capsizing the boat. It looks dynamic, even epic, but it’s vanity—there’s no real change.

People forget the lessons of the last century, only to repeat them.

Does this sound bleak? Not at all.

Buddhists say there’s no point adding legs to a drawn snake. The same goes for trying to improve people and the world. There is no evidence that anyone has ever succeeded.

Maybe the goal should be humbler—working on yourself.

And by the way, it’s not a given that you need to mold yourself like clay in a potter’s hands. It’s more about learning who you are, especially the parts you reject.

That’s when integration happens, and one finds harmony. Such people radiate warmth and light. Being near them is enough. After contact with them, you become more of who you truly are.

Let the storms rage around. Here, there is peace.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

How can I help you?
If you've long been trying to understand what is limiting you and/or your business and how to finally give important changes a push, then The Catalyst Session is designed specifically for you. Book it here.

Do You Have Fragile Wings? / October 2, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Andy Warhol with Weights by Steve Schapiro, 1965

I recall a talk with a professional musician. You know, one of those who got the violin before the pacifier. He mentioned that many of his colleagues are forced to quit performing in their 30s or 40s because of neck, shoulder, and back problems.

What a tragedy—to love, to know, to want to play, but not be able to.

I knew a talented designer whose chronic hand pain made work impossible. One day, this fragile young woman excitedly wrote to me, saying she had discovered kettlebells. Things started looking up after that.

I remember one of my business partners, a man with a high IQ. He worked at a frantic pace, leaving no time for exercise. He used coffee and whiskey as gas and brakes. For a couple of decades, his body held up, but then it started falling apart like an old Peugeot.

Scientists, entrepreneurs, performers, and artists often devote themselves to a world of refined experiences and ideas. They soar through the skies, seeing body matters as lowly and unnecessary.

It’s so human to divide what you didn’t create.

Wholeness includes not only the body and mind, but also the person within the social, historical, ecological, and other contexts around him.

Everything starts as one and only later differentiates into parts.

A weak hand can’t hold a bow for long. Sharp pain will affect the quality of a design. Low energy won’t help you beat the competition.

A creator thrives when he forgets about his body. But not because he ignores its needs—because his body is healthy and strong.

Your next breakthrough in business, science, or art isn’t being held back by a lack of capital, opportunities, or ideas. Maybe it's you—or more precisely, your body’s vulnerability.

In the end, to soar high, you need strong wings.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Awe and Pride / October 1, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

In the movie Prometheus (2012), part of the Alien franchise, there’s a lesson worth remembering. On a distant planet, an expedition finds an Engineer—a member of an alien race that created us and our world. The humans wake him from cryosleep.

Weyland, the wealthy sponsor, speaks to the Engineer through an android. The android, in Proto-Indo-European, explains Weyland's wish for immortality: "We are creators, we are gods. And gods never die." Weyland is elated.

In response, the Engineer... tears off the android's head, kills Weyland and others, and sets off for Earth to destroy all of humanity.

Quite the twist, isn’t it?

Weyland was ruined by his pride. When faced with a powerful, unknown force, he acted as though he was its equal. Worse, he narcissistically expected favorable treatment.

The proper reaction would have been awe. This all-encompassing feeling is a blend of reverence, admiration, fear, respect, humility, and submission to something greater. On Robert Plutchik’s wheel of emotions, awe is the fusion of surprise and fear.

What we don’t understand can either make us happy or kill us.

Remember this whenever something extraordinary happens to you. Whether it’s a small anomaly that leaves you confused, or a serious shock that paralyzes you, know this:

Arrogance will ruin you, while admiring respect will save you.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Chasing Patterns of Meaning / September 30, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Sometimes I look at the list of regular readers and I’m amazed. Not by the number, but by the fact that anyone is here at all.

I write about whatever happens to land in my neural net that day. Like a fisherman’s daily catch in the port of Marseille.

Most people prefer a piece that sticks to a clear topic, not a kaleidoscope revealing an unpredictable pattern.

I get it. I understand the appeal of a “content plan” and its convenience. But, for better or worse, my priorities have changed.

For too long, I did what others wanted to hear—parents, teachers, clients, employers, and so on. It had its benefits—adapting to society. But there was a downside—I didn’t know myself.

Now, I write about what excites me first and foremost. The hunt for meaning, the chase, rewards me here and now. Only later do I hope that someone else will share in my joy.

When you return with a rich catch, you want to treat everyone.

Putting my own interest above the reader’s sounds egocentric, doesn’t it? But how can I call “mine” something that’s born spontaneously, something I don’t control at all?

Out of nowhere, an invitation arrives from an unknown sender. I can either decline or trust and take a step forward, not knowing where it leads.

What’s “mine” here is only the choice and the effort. Because sometimes I have to wait for a long time, track intently, and carefully launch arrows made of words.

Whose trumpet call signals the start of the hunt? Clearly, it’s not just mine, but yours as well. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be drawn to the unspoken promise that we’re not ordering supermarket takeout, but grilling a juicy steak over a campfire in the woods. (Or berries and mushrooms, if it’s not our day.)

In short, thank you, reader, for being with me so I’m not alone.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

The Biggest Mistake of a CEO / September 29, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

When I became CEO in the past, I, of course, made mistakes.

If I had to rank them, which one was the most important?

It was the delay in addressing the problem of unconscious ignorance.

No matter how long a manager has worked in their previous role, they’re usually not ready for the scope and responsibility of being a CEO.

On the organizational chart, the career steps look equal. But it's essentially an exponential function, meaning the larger the value, the faster it grows.

A new CEO inevitably steps into the unknown with one foot.

It’s one thing if a deckhand or a boatswain makes a mistake, and quite another if the captain does—especially when Poseidon unleashes a storm on the ship. Mistakes are inevitable, and each one can be fatal.

Gaining experience on your own is an unreliable strategy—it’s expensive and slow. It’s more effective to bring in those who’ve already been there and done that.

In a modern company, this person is an advisor; in a Turkic village, it’s the aksakal—literally "white-beard," essentially a wise man. It’s not enough to go through a lot and accumulate experience—you have to integrate it too.

The advisor’s role is to improve the CEO’s judgment by highlighting risks and opportunities the CEO doesn’t even know exist.

When Don Corleone made his son Michael the head of the mafia clan, he kept offering golden advice on who and how would betray him.

If I could speak to myself as a CEO in 2001 and 2008, I’d say:

"First, find the person (or people) who will strengthen your decisions a hundredfold."

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Upside Down Beliefs / September 28, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

In modern culture, much of it is backward and upside down.

For example, ask anyone if they’re satisfied with their life. Most likely, they’ll say, "No, I’m missing a lot. I’ll only be happy once I finally get 1, 2, and 3."

Then, ask them what they think of their future, and you’ll probably hear, "I'm terrified that X, Y, or Z might occur."

This kind of person can't help but suffer. How could they not? On one hand, they’re disappointed with what they already have. On the other hand, they’re afraid of what’s inevitably coming.

The present reality doesn’t meet their past expectations. And the future has already let them down by not giving them what they wished.

But saying “doesn’t meet” or “let down” is naive. It's not reality that has a problem—it’s them. Reality couldn’t care less about people.

While we imagine all kinds of things, existence just is.

The way out is in the same place as the way in. If illusions bring suffering, then the search for truth brings freedom, joy, and peace.

Let’s turn these popular beliefs inside out, like socks:

“I’m grateful for what I already have.”

“I trust whatever is yet to come.”

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Playfully Aware / September 27, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

According to the historian of card games, David Parlett, the Joker was added to the 32-card deck in the 1850s specifically for the game of Euchre. The blank card held the highest rank of all [1].

Traditionally, Jokers are depicted as jesters.

But emptiness isn’t nothingness—it’s the freedom to be anyone.

The humor here is no accident. It lifts us above misfortune, suffering, and pain. After all, the best jester is the one who first mocks himself mercilessly and only then others.

The Joker shares much in common with the Trickster—“a demonically-comic antagonist of the cultural hero, with traits of a rogue and prankster.” The Trickster doesn’t follow the rules—not out of malice, but for the love of the game itself [2].

Sometimes rules need to be broken if they’re slowing down the flow of life.

The Joker is also often compared to the card “Fool” or “Madman” in Tarot decks. There, his task is to perceive the new with an open mind, to learn through play, and his goal is to find joy in life, gaining experience through playful discovery. He is resourceful, trusts his instincts, is curious, incredibly open, eager to try everything for himself—yet carefree and light-hearted [3].

Being open to the new always carries greater risk.

But it’s important to distinguish between pointless risk due to recklessness and residual risk. The latter is an inherent part of novelty itself.

Emptiness, humor, freedom, curiosity, resourcefulness, initiative, and audacity—they’re divine gifts when these traits emerge in a person not impulsively, but consciously.

We all want awareness in an instant. But it’s more like the growth rings of a tree or a stalagmite. Life drips onto us from above, entering us drop by drop. Just don’t refuse—take it!

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

The Ultimate Tool / September 26, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

What tool would you choose as the most versatile? One that could help you anywhere, in any situation:

In everyday life or in extreme conditions.
To patch up your body and fix a machine.
To help a friend and immobilize an enemy.
In the city and the woods.
On land and water.

The tool must be compact, reliable, easy to use, and not require any extra materials.

A shovel? A hammer? A knife? An axe? A saw? A ruler? A needle? A pencil?

I’d choose reinforced duct tape.

In 1882, the German Paul Beiersdorf patented medical adhesive tape, and in 1901, Oskar Troplowitz named it Leukoplast. In the 1920s, Richard Drew of 3M invented “Scotch tape,” and in 1942, 3M and Johnson & Johnson developed a military version. Soldiers used it everywhere, and after the war, it became popular all over the place [1].

I always carry duct tape in my jiu-jitsu bag. It’s perfect for taping up an injured foot or hand. The wrap acts like an exoskeleton, protecting the joint in extreme positions.

What I value most about tape is that its uses are limited only by our imagination.

Symbolically, duct tape is like prima materia in alchemy—a formless, boundless, infinite substance.

If it's not "everything from nothing," it's certainly "plenty from one crumb."

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Bon Voyage! / September 25, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

We are all headed toward the same source we came from.

Your life is not like mine, and mine is not like yours.

There’s no contradiction between these two statements.

It’s like how mountain streams carve their own unique paths to the sea. Then they evaporate and condense somewhere to start the journey all over again.

Yet the opposite is often assumed in our everyday thinking.

People act as if they've bribed fate to avoid getting on the train and will be feasting forever at the Grand Central Oyster Bar.

At the same time, they jealously compare their journey to others’, measuring how successful they are. A scoreboard of popularity, wealth, knowledge, or virtue replaces personal experience.

But your life can’t be reduced to a set of social games—it’s far more complex, interesting, and full of layers. Those who forget this suffer from a vague longing that never finds satisfaction.

A child needs socialization to learn how to hide his thorns. Without it, living in society would be impossible. But once adapted, a person must rediscover his true self, beyond the templates.

To the extent that these two statements are united, a person feels trust in others, love for himself, and openness to whatever comes next.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Why Grapple? / September 24, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

My friend was surprised, 'Why do you even do jiu-jitsu?' when I admitted that I worry about getting injured every time I step onto the mat.

After thinking it over, I explained that grappling serves several purposes at once:

1. Progress. No matter your current level, training always convinces you: "You’re improving." Whatever happens in business, family, or the world, at least in this area, you are steadily moving forward.

2. Purpose. While rules constrain jiu-jitsu, it has a clear goal—to defeat someone who is resisting you with all their strength. There’s a criterion here, separating reality from illusions.

3. Integration. What’s most important in a fight—strength, endurance, agility, willpower, technique, strategy, or something else? The answer is: everything. In the end, such distinctions are conditional. Fighting is an integration of it all.

4. Physical development. Jiu-jitsu highlights your weak points. Yesterday, you were strengthening your shoulders with kettlebells, and tomorrow, you’ll need rowing for your back. Function comes first, aesthetics can wait.

5. Creativity. Besides fostering development, the game is exhilarating in itself because it requires you to be a creator. In a fight, you rely both on your spontaneous inventiveness and your honed skills.

6. Mastering aggression. In modern society, the level of hidden aggression is steadily rising, while overt displays of it are increasingly condemned. Jiu-jitsu teaches you that aggression is a valuable resource. Once you’ve mastered it, you can work miracles even in dead-end situations.

7. Contact. Though the embraces in a fight may feel like bear hugs, it’s still physical contact. Science says that hugs lower the stress hormone cortisol and increase oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. After sparring, your body might be tired, but your spirit sings lively songs.

8. Self-discovery. The mat is a mini-laboratory where you experiment on yourself. How do you react to victories and defeats? What do you feel when you're stuck? How do you decide when to give up or try something else? Who you are in the little reveals who you are in all.

9. Community. The effort and risks weed out people who don’t belong. That leaves only those who want something roughly similar to what you do. Even if you're a misanthrope, growth in grappling demands interaction with others. So total loneliness won’t threaten you anymore.

The list could go on, but isn’t this enough reason to try jiu-jitsu?

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Pulse of Being / September 23, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

The fiercest resistance from your opponent comes right before he gives up. He has nothing to lose. A desperate move is his last chance.

What's the takeaway?

You can’t afford to ease up until the end of the bout. Once, in Peru, I caught malaria because I relaxed and dropped my precautions toward the end of the trip. Brr, what a costly lesson.

What’s less obvious is that relief doesn’t come in a straight line but in waves. One moment you’re thinking: “Yes, victory is near!” and the next: “No way, it’s all pointless.”

This emotional rollercoaster—up and down—is normal. Life pulses: inhale-exhale, tension-relaxation, one-zero. Remember that, and you’ll avoid disappointment, stress, and anxiety.

The ideal strategy considers the inevitable fluctuations of any process, whether it's a short jiu-jitsu match or a long negotiation with an investor to sell a stake in your company.

Syncing with the pulse of the universe multiplies your power manyfold.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Beyond (Im)perfection / September 22, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

A work of art is beyond reproach. Why? It’s unique in its expression. It can only be compared to itself.

If you try to change a sculpture, melody, or painting to suit your own taste, you’ll ruin it immediately. I’ve seen this countless times in advertising when a client made comments on a design.

“Gaudí, stop building castles in the air.”
“Mona Lisa’s smile is kind of weird.”
“David’s nudity should be covered.”

So when I've worked with creative people, I've always tried to describe the task clearly, set the stage, and then disappear until it's time to review the stunning copy or art.

At best, another talented person can build something new on someone else's creation, like a cover or DJ set. But the original work remains one of a kind.

Many suffer from the imperfections of their bodies, their work, or their lives. The solution isn’t to chase the standard even harder, nor is it to stop distinguishing between what’s bad and what’s good.

The solution is to be truly yourself.

Not others, but you—are the marble, the audience, the creator, and the chisel.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Ordinary Miracle / September 21, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

You've solved countless problems in your life, even those that seemed impossible. Perhaps one took a lot of time, another drained your energy, and a third cost you a fortune. But you are here, and the problem is gone.

So, you'll handle whatever comes next. Won’t you?

Looking back, it's clear that only a small fraction of your worries came true. The bulk of the doubts and chills were due to what:

turned out to be a game of overheated imagination,
didn’t meet your expectations, or
didn’t depend on you at all.

While your mind was busy tormenting and scaring you, your hands just got the job done.

How did they manage that? It’s easier to explain after the fact than to know beforehand how it will happen. Call it resourcefulness, cleverness, or survival instinct—whatever you like.

You can rely on this hidden ability like solid rock.

Just as Excel calculates a formula without hesitation once you enter it into a cell. Or as a crow drops a walnut from the sky to crack it open. Or as damaged tissue regenerates on its own.

An ordinary miracle. You perform it constantly. It's time to admit that.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Source of Vitality / September 20, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

The toughest business problems aren’t really about business.

The real bottleneck isn’t marketing, technology, or investment.

The main limitation is the person, especially the founder-CEO.

When a company is thriving, some people might think the founder’s role is secondary. Especially if the founder has built up enough resilience to mask the mistakes of a later-hired weak CEO.

The founder acts like the immune system of the company, and without it, the body is doomed, no matter how hard the doctors try. They only remember the immune system when there’s poisoning, an illness, or a wound.

In essence, the founder embodies a love for life, like the one Jack London described in his famous novel. It's the founder's will and courage that keeps the business going when Mr. Market has decided it must die.

All business problems are solvable if the founder has the drive. But even minor obstacles turn into a dangerous fishing net if the founder:

Loses interest in the company.
Disappointed in the team.
Stops believing in himself.
Hits a glass ceiling.
Dwells on problems.
Misses opportunities, and so on.

The business starts to fix itself as soon as the founder gets better.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

How We Change / September 19, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

A person says, "I'm tired of this life and want to change." He reads a lot, talks about it, and gets emotional. But there’s no action.

Why? The mind isn’t ready.

Change is not just about welcoming the new, but also letting go of the old. Throwing away things is easier than letting go of beliefs. Though the latter aren’t tangible, they can be more valuable to you than anything else.

The high value of limiting beliefs is explained by the fact that, at some point, they helped you or even saved you. For example, someone who has survived starvation might eat everything in sight, no matter how much is offered.

Any other behavior feels like foolishness, blasphemy, or even death.

And yet, time proves stronger. It might take years for someone to finally admit: "Wow, I’ve been lying to myself for so long."

There are ways to shorten those years into months or even days.

First and foremost, self-reflection—closely analyzing your behavior, desires, emotions, and feelings. It’s even better if an experienced person asks you deep questions and doesn’t accept fake answers.

Some people benefit from meditation or psychedelics, which boost neuroplasticity and can lead to a reevaluation of emotional patterns and old beliefs. Serotonin and dopamine production allow you to face obsessive thoughts and chronic fears openly. Your value system gets an upgrade.

Many people underestimate dream analysis—an approach just as effective and accessible. You only need to learn how to read the vivid metaphors the subconscious uses to bypass mental barriers and deliver important messages to you.

All these methods, and others, allow you to live in an alternate reality where current limitations don’t exist. This experience transforms you because you become convinced: "The changes I want are possible!"

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Our Children Are (Not) Us / September 18, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

We can tell our children anything — timeless truths, wise advice, or shining examples from heroes' and saints' lives.

They may argue with us or agree. Some will even pretend they've taken our advice to heart.

But most likely, they will repeat the patterns of our behavior. The very ones we’re unaware of and therefore can't hide.

It might not happen right away, and the way those patterns show up may be different. After all, it doesn’t matter what materials a beaver uses to build a dam. Its purpose is always to protect him from predators and make it easier to get food.

To someone on the outside, this “beaver-ness” might seem strange, maybe even unhealthy. But for children, it's normal to knock down trees, pile up debris, and collect mud. The dam is home.

Children will also follow our silent vow — the unspoken expectations of who they should become. At its core, these are our unfulfilled dreams — who we always wanted to be but never had the courage to become.

But all of this will only happen if children believe in our love for them. Or at least desperately crave it. Otherwise, they will do everything they can to avoid becoming like us (and it will take tremendous effort).

So, what can we do? Simple — nothing, if we don’t care about them.

But if we truly love them, the only way forward is to work on ourselves. This means:

Recognizing our hidden expectations of them, which are really expectations of ourselves.
Understanding and integrating our destructive and constructive patterns.
Learning to see the child not as a reflection of us, but as a unique person.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Lost in the Flow to Be Found / September 17, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Yesterday, I listened to a three-hour podcast in one sitting. The genre caught me off guard—an actor, a comedian, and a rapper talking about everything under the sun, seamlessly slipping into freestyle rap.

The guys were immersed in pure creative flow, and it was genius.

And today, I was amused watching a similar approach to life from a six-month-old puppy. While his owner read a book, the dog joyfully and eagerly dug a deep hole, trying to reach the tree’s root.

His spontaneity was the embodiment of the raw energy of life.

When you lose yourself in an activity, something miraculous happens. It’s not just you who feels good in that moment—others around you also enjoy being near you. Why? You harmonize your own microcosm.

Philosopher, writer, and lecturer Alan Watts said it best:

"The existence, the physical universe is basically playful. There is no necessity for it whatsoever. It isn’t going anywhere. That is to say, it doesn’t have some destination that it ought to arrive at.

But that it is best understood by the analogy with music. Because music, as an art form is essentially playful. We say, “You play the piano” You don’t work the piano.

Why? Music differs from say, travel. When you travel you are trying to get somewhere.

In music, though, one doesn’t make the end of the composition. If that were so, the best conductors would be those who played fastest. And there would be composers who only wrote finales. People would go to a concert just to hear one crackling chord… Because that’s the end!

Same way with dancing. You don’t aim at a particular spot in the room because that’s where you will arrive. The whole point of the dancing is the dance.

We thought of life by analogy, with a journey, with a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end; and the thing was to get to that end, success or maybe heaven after you’re dead.

But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played."

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Gracious Longing / September 16, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Sometimes, I’m hit by a strange longing. Trying to drown it out with something is useless. A captivating book, a deep lecture, or a long-awaited series all feel boring before I even begin.

“It’s all wrong,” my inner voice firmly declares.

And there I am, stuck in an unbearable emptiness. It’s like everything I touch crumbles into dust, ashes, nothing.

What’s left for me? Stand still and open my eyes wide.

I know this is Life, in its strange way, showing me the path.

The paradox is that the more often I hear “No,” the closer the “Yes” becomes.

I paid a high price for this understanding, after spending years trying to fill my emptiness with something that turned out to be a poor substitute for meaning.

The voice would say, “This isn’t yours,” but I argued with it, clinging to things that were flashy but alien to me. Or I’d hesitate, unwilling to pursue what my whole being had long been reaching for.

Over and over, I had to bitterly admit: “Why did I resist what was both a blessing and inevitable?”

It’s like in therapy, when for the first time, you reveal to someone else your darkest secret, the one that’s haunted, tormented, and driven you mad for years.

You wait, trembling, for the sky to open up and a bolt of lightning to turn you—or the person you’re speaking to—into ashes. But there’s no storm, not even rain. You learn that it could never have gone any other way.

What’s more, your curse turns out to be a gift. Now you’re like an arrow shot from a bow. Energy flows out of you. It turns out you’re not weak at all; it’s just that before, your secret burden drained all your strength.

The path to oneself is, unfortunately, unpredictable, long, and winding. Mostly because we stray off course into the deep, dark woods.

Strangely enough, despair, longing, and void are good signs. It means you’re tired of wandering in foreign meanings, and your nose is starting to catch the scent of freedom.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Respect the Unknown / September 15, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

When you deal with novelty, what kind of attitude is more fitting?

This is about situations unlike anything you've experienced before. There are no ready-made scripts for how to think or act.

The worst you can do is be arrogant and careless.

For example, some people treat a psychedelic experience like a fun trip to the movies. But admiring a bear at the zoo is one thing—accidentally waking it from hibernation in the woods is another.

What’s even worse is that in an altered state, you don’t understand who—or what—you’re dealing with. Your subconscious knows everything about you, while you know nothing about it. It won’t just surprise you—it could grind you down like a coffee mill.

The right attitude toward the unknown is reverence—fear, respect, and awe. This is not a child's fantasy; it's an adult's realism. It’s a humble acknowledgment: “There is something more powerful than me.”

Here’s the paradox: reverence unlocks unexpected gifts. The tning is that novelty is both destructive and creative at the same time. How it unfolds for you depends, in large part, on your approach.

The more often this “other world” showers you with its generosity, the more your trust will grow. Someday, beyond the awe, you will feel gratitude, respect, and love for the one who cares for you so deeply.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Ride the Wind / September 14, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Your curiosity is a lever, creating everything from nothing.

Don't believe it? Listen to what neuroscientist Andrew Huberman says: "When people are curious about the answer to a question, it increases activity in the brain areas controlling dopamine release. And that dopamine release allows for better memory of the correct answr as well as better memory of events and information that preceded the answer."

In other words, you don’t need to:

Enroll in prestigious universities.
Hunt for popular teachers.
Pay for expensive courses.
Reward yourself for completing tasks.
Master memory hacks and techniques.
Take substances to stimulate focus, and so on.

It’s enough to keep doing what you find insanely interesting.

Why is it interesting? Does it even matter? A part can never fully grasp the behavior of a system. Architect and philosopher Buckminster Fuller called this synergy. After all, we’re only aware of tiny fragments of what’s happening to us. Some mysterious force pulls you forward.

By the way, synergy (Latin cooperatio, meaning “harmonized action”) is a concept in Christian theology where salvation is achieved through cooperation between divine grace and human free will.

All of a sudden you feel an inexplicable curiosity about something, and you are free to choose - to follow it, or to dismiss it as you often do.

It takes far less effort to sail with the wind than against it. Your curiosity is a breeze, capable of growing into a cyclone.

You are unstoppable when you’re aligned with a typhoon.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.