Sometimes, I’m hit by a strange longing. Trying to drown it out with something is useless. A captivating book, a deep lecture, or a long-awaited series all feel boring before I even begin.
“It’s all wrong,” my inner voice firmly declares.
And there I am, stuck in an unbearable emptiness. It’s like everything I touch crumbles into dust, ashes, nothing.
What’s left for me? Stand still and open my eyes wide.
I know this is Life, in its strange way, showing me the path.
The paradox is that the more often I hear “No,” the closer the “Yes” becomes.
I paid a high price for this understanding, after spending years trying to fill my emptiness with something that turned out to be a poor substitute for meaning.
The voice would say, “This isn’t yours,” but I argued with it, clinging to things that were flashy but alien to me. Or I’d hesitate, unwilling to pursue what my whole being had long been reaching for.
Over and over, I had to bitterly admit: “Why did I resist what was both a blessing and inevitable?”
It’s like in therapy, when for the first time, you reveal to someone else your darkest secret, the one that’s haunted, tormented, and driven you mad for years.
You wait, trembling, for the sky to open up and a bolt of lightning to turn you—or the person you’re speaking to—into ashes. But there’s no storm, not even rain. You learn that it could never have gone any other way.
What’s more, your curse turns out to be a gift. Now you’re like an arrow shot from a bow. Energy flows out of you. It turns out you’re not weak at all; it’s just that before, your secret burden drained all your strength.
The path to oneself is, unfortunately, unpredictable, long, and winding. Mostly because we stray off course into the deep, dark woods.
Strangely enough, despair, longing, and void are good signs. It means you’re tired of wandering in foreign meanings, and your nose is starting to catch the scent of freedom.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
How can I help you?
If you've long been trying to understand what is limiting you and/or your business and how to finally give important changes a push, then The Catalyst Session is designed specifically for you. Book it here.