We can tell our children anything — timeless truths, wise advice, or shining examples from heroes' and saints' lives.
They may argue with us or agree. Some will even pretend they've taken our advice to heart.
But most likely, they will repeat the patterns of our behavior. The very ones we’re unaware of and therefore can't hide.
It might not happen right away, and the way those patterns show up may be different. After all, it doesn’t matter what materials a beaver uses to build a dam. Its purpose is always to protect him from predators and make it easier to get food.
To someone on the outside, this “beaver-ness” might seem strange, maybe even unhealthy. But for children, it's normal to knock down trees, pile up debris, and collect mud. The dam is home.
Children will also follow our silent vow — the unspoken expectations of who they should become. At its core, these are our unfulfilled dreams — who we always wanted to be but never had the courage to become.
But all of this will only happen if children believe in our love for them. Or at least desperately crave it. Otherwise, they will do everything they can to avoid becoming like us (and it will take tremendous effort).
So, what can we do? Simple — nothing, if we don’t care about them.
But if we truly love them, the only way forward is to work on ourselves. This means:
Recognizing our hidden expectations of them, which are really expectations of ourselves.
Understanding and integrating our destructive and constructive patterns.
Learning to see the child not as a reflection of us, but as a unique person.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
How can I help you?
If you've long been trying to understand what is limiting you and/or your business and how to finally give important changes a push, then The Catalyst Session is designed specifically for you. Book it here.