Pulsation of Life / July 10, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Remember the times when you felt like an arrow shot from a bow?

You had a clear target ahead.
It promised you deep personal meaning.
What once scared you now thrilled you.
Nothing could distract you because everything was secondary.
On the way to your goal, you skillfully transformed any obstacles.
You felt as if the whole universe was on your side.
You gave your all to the process, burning bridges without looking back.

Of course, in the end, you achieved your goal. Maybe it took longer than you expected. Perhaps it wasn’t exactly how you envisioned it. Especially when the goal was clear but vague.

This happens when you are irresistibly drawn to something new. It will surely reward you but in its own way. Your expectations might crumble, but you won’t mind.

There were also times when your bow wasn’t drawn, and your arrows scattered or stayed in the quiver. As in the period from conception to birth, you were pure potential.

Modern culture tends to glorify the first state and view the second with caution, irritation, or even disgust.

But look around, and you’ll see the pulsation of everything:

The universe cycles through expansion and contraction.
Over 10 billion years, the sun transforms from a protostar to a white dwarf
All creatures are born and die, making way for their offspring.
The peristalsis of our organs literally sustains life.
Without exhaling, you can’t take the next breath.

What if the heart said, “I’ll contract but won’t relax”?

Every phase of your life has value. Yes, some states are burdensome, and others are pleasant. But before a mighty oak grows, the acorn lies “dumbly” in the dirty, manure-filled soil.

When times are tough, remember the pulsation of everything.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

How can I help you?
If you've long been trying to understand what is limiting you and/or your business and how to finally give important changes a push, then The Catalyst Session is designed specifically for you. Book it here.

Natural Flow / July 9, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

It’s pointless to resist natural processes. Whether it’s vomiting, sweating, sleeping, or hunger. First, there will be discomfort, then pain, and finally, disaster. The forces of nature and man are incomparable.

A healthy person is one who doesn’t fight against the flow of life within himself. Instead, he aligns with the processes in his mind and body.

The boundary between you and the outside world is arbitrary. Remember, your body’s 30 trillion cells coexist with about 40 trillion microorganisms. There’s a natural process in the world too.

Question: are we trying to understand it or bend the world to our will?

Think about your past experiences:

Ignoring shifts in consumer preferences in a product.
Struggling to stay as CEO when your heart wants a new project.
Trying to keep a key employee who has outgrown you.
Persuasion of an investor who is alien to you, and so on.

Fighting reality will only drain your energy. It’s better to use its power for your benefit and others’. This source is inexhaustible and free.

But there’s one condition — you must stop lying to yourself.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Invisible Labor / July 8, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Some people see order as the natural state of things. The subway runs on time. Traffic lights work. Water comes from the tap. Passersby act predictably. Everyone's busy with their own lives.

But that's an illusion. Order doesn't happen on its own. It's the opposite. If there's a constant, it's chaos, always trying to tear everything apart.

A single heavy snowfall can paralyze a major city and turn civilized people into savages. And that's not even the eruption of Vesuvius or a biblical flood.

Why hasn't chaos won yet? That's the real miracle.

Countless people work tirelessly every second. They patch the holes in the ship of civilization, keep the wind from breaking the masts, and hold the spinning wheel steady.

They do this professionally and quietly, without demonstrations or social media posts. That's why naive fools think harmony, safety, and growth are the norm.

On any level—humanity, a country, a company, or an individual—that's not true. Each of us, in our own place, must quietly create this miracle.

Chaos is relentless, but the creative human spirit prevails.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Meta-Reality / July 7, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Alfred Eisenstaedt/LIFE Picture Collection

Many believe that reality is what you can touch with your hands, dissolve in acid, or irradiate. For them, matter is the foundation of existence, and everything else is just a consequence and a derivative.

But there's another reality you can't put under a microscope. It's hard to even describe. Trying to find the right words is just frustrating: "Eh, that's not it."

For convenience, let's call it the "implicit reality."

You get its signals every day:

Confusion from a cab driver's strange behavior.
Hesitation before signing a seemingly lucrative deal.
An inexplicable resistance to starting a new project.

Sometimes the implicit reality stops whispering and grabs us by the collar and confidently carries us somewhere. In those moments, amazing things happen:

Our eyes flash with steel, and we cut off: "F@$k off!"
We are overwhelmed with the conviction: "Now everything will be okay.
We suddenly make a decision that's been brewing for years.
We hire the "wrong" candidate who becomes the #1 pro.
We turn our life around 180 degrees and feel a rare peace, and so on.

Inside, a piercing clarity reigns. Any arguments lose their power. Doubts and anxieties fade into the background.

Interestingly, the implicit reality doesn't give guarantees in the usual sense. The future might be even more uncertain. But for some reason, that doesn't scare us. The body may feel heavy, but the soul is light.

Only creative people can express the implicit reality. A few strokes of their brush, gestures, or phrases are enough to make us exclaim: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Ancient texts, rituals, music, and works of art are portals to a world more real than the one we're used to.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Being One with Reality / July 6, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Nature is wise. Nothing goes to waste. Everything has meaning and value. The cycle of destruction and creation never stops.

A healthy personality works the same way. Some parts break down into basic elements, serving as building materials for others.

The ideal is to let go of what's no longer relevant. And to welcome what's new when its time has come.

Otherwise, there will be friction, conflict, and wasted resources within a person and in his relationships with the world.

Why does personal evolution lag behind nature's efficiency?

Animals and plants have needs, but no desires. Humans have both. Plus, humans have a mind ready to justify absolutely any whim.

So when reality says, "It's time," the mind builds a fortress against change. Lies seem like sacred relics, and the truth appears as barbarians at the gate.

Reality always wins in this battle. One person wastes all his energy defending illusions, while another's strength grows a hundredfold.

Why? He learns to be at one with the inevitable.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Sharp Focus / July 5, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Achieving great things with little effort fascinates me. I see it as an intellectual challenge. Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Finding a solution in a specific situation is an interesting task. It's even more exciting to find a universal Lever.

In this video from Japan, there's a clue. A dull knife doesn't cut a tomato; it just pushes and squashes it. But after sharpening the knife, it feels like the tomato slices itself.

Now, replace the knife with attention.

If you're scattered, it's hard to overcome the resistance of something or someone. You'll have to push yourself to the limit, crushing everything in your path. Side effects are inevitable.

It's a different story if your attention is sharp like a Japanese knife. The fabric of reality unfolds before you. Just look at it intently. The effort is there, but it feels like it's not.

Every craftsman becomes the sharpener of his ultimate knife.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

What Characters Interest Us? / July 4, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

A key feature of children's fairy tales is their flat characters. From the very first lines, it's clear who's who—tyrant or hero, good or evil. This makes sense since a child's mind isn't ready for nuances.

Adults, too, sometimes crave a Marvel franchise movie. But that's just temporary fatigue and a regression into infantilism.

The older a person gets, the more boring two-dimensional simplicity becomes. They prefer the complex characters of "Game of Thrones."

But why?

Maturity means accepting that the real world is ambivalent. That is, paradoxical, contradictory, and complex. This is true both within us and around us.

Twenty-two years ago, I was struck by the book "Influence" by psychologist Robert Cialdini. He wrote about an experiment where a volunteer had to punish a screaming stranger with electric shocks for mistakes because a man in a white coat said so.

Originally, researchers wanted to see if Germans were particularly cruel. But it turned out that no matter the country, age, or gender, the result was the same. People readily obeyed supposed authority to inflict maximum pain on another person.

In the end, Robert concluded that the vast majority of people would act this way. He added, "Including you, dear reader." A horrible thought. Sadly, he's probably right.

There are no absolutely good or bad people. That's why saints are canonized only after their death. As long as a person is alive, even if he's a model of righteousness, he can commit a grave sin.

Each of us reaches for the pure infinity of the sky while our roots dig into the infernal depths of the earth. And this is good because we always retain the freedom to choose who to be.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Lever of Victory / July 3, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Yoshiaki Yamashita Photograph Album, *ca.*1904

Each of us grappled as kids. Or watched dogs play. Usually, the one on top wins, especially if he's bigger and heavier. The loser lies helpless on his back.

This is the dynamic of animal, child, or novice confrontations. But everything changes when the opponents have some knowledge and skills.

Let's say you end up on your back with a bigger opponent looming over you. Does that mean defeat is near?

Absolutely not. This might be your favorite position to attack from.

A fierce opponent turns into a teddy bear if you position his center of gravity directly over you. Break his contact with the ground slightly and you can throw him in any direction you want.

I discovered this insight in childhood when I briefly took judo. The throw with a foot push to the torso (Tomoe Nage) amazed me. It feels like magic — such an unstoppable lever emerges.

But you must take a counterintuitive step for this principle to work. Metaphorically speaking, you must not shy away from the attacking beast, but dive right into its jaws.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Fish on the Wall / July 2, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Sakata Kaidomaru by Utagawa Kuniyoshi, ca. 1836

I love Asian proverbs for their elegance, depth, and symbolism.

In China, they say, "The fish painted on the wall has only one eye."

This is exactly what Western society often suffers from. Science has achieved astonishing results so quickly that people have started to deify it, as Nietzsche proclaimed, "God is dead!"

What's the result? By destroying its metaphysical foundation, humanity finds itself in an existential vacuum. Life has lost its meaning. No hedonism or consumerism can replace it.

It's like the asymmetry of our brain. Psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist writes that the left hemisphere focuses on details, while the right focuses on the whole. If you get too absorbed in analysis, you can easily miss or kill Life.

Any word, concept, or scheme is just a "finger pointing at the sky," indicating a phenomenon. "All models are wrong, but some are useful," said the British statistician George Box.

We constantly draw fish on walls — in business, social media, conversations, or in our minds. Such representations have their benefits. But sometimes they lead us into a dead end. What to do?

Remember the whole — the larger context and the hidden meaning of the "impasse".

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Delayed Joy / July 1, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Love and enjoyment of a new endeavor rarely come instantly.

I remember how I had to convince myself before each motorcycle school training: “I’ll go one more time, then I’ll decide.”

The motorcycle filled me with mystical fear and curiosity. I couldn’t explain either. But that impulse was enough to overcome my doubts and get back on the bike.

A year or two passed without me noticing. One day, I was practicing the figure-eight maneuver. A rather dull move. The infinity sign. An ouroboros biting its own tail.

Suddenly, I felt like I was merging with the machine, the road, and the world. Joy, harmony, peace, and love filled me to the brim. It was so exhilarating that I forgot about time, fatigue, and other tasks.

This experience changed everything. I found my personal answer to the question: “What is the meaning of riding?” Everything fell into place. Now, I could not only ride but also track progress like playing the hot and cold game.

By the way, I later found the answer to the question: “What is really worth fearing?” which I explained here.

I recall other times when I took on something new in business, hobbies, or sports. Each time, the pattern was similar:

Vague curiosity.
Doubts and frustrations.
Epiphany.
Rapid growth.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Elusive Life / June 30, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Life doesn’t fit into any rules, concepts, or frameworks. Like a snake, it slips through our fingers.

We feel like we're losing control. This scares us. With renewed energy, we try to end all unpredictability.

Alas, the result is disappointing. Existence becomes static. Relationships become utilitarian. Increasing knowledge only drains meaning. The source of living water dries up.

A crazy thought flashes: "Maybe we should break everything and start from scratch?"

Or we crave freedom. Everything that limits us, we destroy to dust. There are no boundaries we wouldn't dare to blur.

After the liberation party comes the hangover. We lose our bearings in a world where everything is equally (un)important. The ground shakes under our feet. The river of life turns into a Flood.

In panic, we beg: "Let a tyrant come, just save us."

You see, there are good intentions, but sad results in both cases.

The main thing is, it doesn’t matter whether you start acting from the left or the right. Ecstasy will turn the original intention inside out like a sock.

Clinging to position X or (-X)? It means you've definitely lost.

The winner is the one who focuses on what creates each X, Y, and Z.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Freedom Horizon / June 29, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

The longer your time horizon, the less damage a mistake will do.

First, there's time to recover the losses.

Second, you can take your time to study the situation from different sides.

Third, when fate takes something away, it always gives something in return.

So, in case of failure, it makes sense to broaden your horizon.

Example:

When your opponent is choking you, sometimes you need to win a couple of seconds.
An extra day can drastically turn negotiations around.
A conflict is resolved if the parties have a larger project in sight.
The terms of cooperation improve if a one-time deal is replaced with a long-term contract.

It's almost always better to have a long-term perspective.

In an infinite series of games, it's impossible to lose.

You are destined to gain strength, wisdom, and peace.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Shared Direction / June 28, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

What's your criterion for choosing an employee or partner?

There are many options:

Professionalism
Industriousness
Responsibility
Intelligence
Integrity
Energy, etc.

My main criterion is the answer to the question: "Are we headed in the same direction?"

Why? If he (or she) needs to go the other way, then all his admirable qualities will turn against your business and you.

It's fine if your paths align only for a short distance. Instead of a long-term collaboration, you'll have a productive project.

The problem arises if you're moving north, and he’s going south, or even northwest. Such divergence creates resistance, friction, boycott, and potentially rebellion.

It takes seasoned management experience to guess a person's true goals, no matter what he says. Often, people don’t realize where the river of life (read: the subconscious) is carrying them.

But if you find a fellow traveler, you're in luck. From there, it's a matter of technique to reveal his strengths and smooth out his weaknesses.

By the way, an effective motivation system doesn't create anything new; it merely amplifies what’s already there.

But there's one catch. First, you need to answer the question of what your North Star is.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Heart of Business / June 27, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Some founders believe the number one priority is business.

This is a mistake. There is a greater priority.

Let’s look at human anatomy. All the power of the mind, psyche, and muscles is useless if the heart stops beating.

The word "corporate" comes from the Latin "corpus," meaning the human body. If business is the body, then who ensures its pulse?

The founder is irreplaceable, just like the heart.

The heart can get tired. Sometimes it experiences arrhythmia. Or even a heart attack. Then the business suffers. Its goal becomes survival. Growth is out of the question.

Knowing all this, a wise entrepreneur takes care of himself.

At the very least, he ensures a natural heart cycle, with alternating contractions and relaxations.

In extreme situations, the rhythm may quicken. But diastole, the relaxed phase, is always present.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Naming the Unknown / June 26, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

My dog's breed is a Blue Heeler, a.k.a. Australian Cattle Dog.

When I walk my dog, people often ask, "What kind of animal is that?"

They've made some wild guesses, such as:

Wolf.
Hyena.
Raccoon.

Can you imagine? It's easier for them to believe a wild animal is roaming the city than to think it's a rare breed of dog.

These moments remind me how we can get lost in our own illusions. In new situations, people often choose the absurd but familiar option, even if they've only seen a hyena once in a movie or zoo.

The same thing happens in business when people encounter something new. They rush to label the problem with something familiar from a known list.

As Confucius said, it's hard to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if it's not there. Mislabeling a problem guarantees wasted time, nerves, and money.

It's important to learn to tolerate what's unclear and uncertain.

The goal is to name the problem as precisely as possible. Sometimes you have to find the answer in the exotic corner, and sometimes you have to invent a name.

In any creative process, defining the problem right is the first step.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Paradise Paradox / June 25, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

In this picture, you see paradise. Doesn't it seem that way? Maybe the dirt, the creatures, and the stagnant swamp water throw you off?

But these are perfect conditions to thrive safely... for frogs. If a person saw this, it would be the moment before he or she sank.

We're just too different from tailless amphibians. Their paradise is our hell. And vice versa.

All frogs desire the same thing. But what about people?

Take liberals and conservatives, for instance.

Liberals love blurring boundaries—traditions, territories, and terms. It promises them endless potential for creativity, growth, and joy.

Conservatives feel disgust at such initiatives. Their world is like a body whose boundaries must be protected at all costs. Otherwise, germs, fungi, and crazy ideas will destroy it.

How can they understand each other? Their ideals are just too different.

This is an innate difference in personality types, especially in the traits of Openness and Conscientiousness. Liberals have the former in spades, while conservatives excel in the latter.

There will always be high tension between them. In the worst case, this tension will erupt into conflict. But what about the best case?

That's why the Garden of Eden is paradoxical. Opposites exist, but without contradiction. This is the true ideal.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Grateful Mindset / June 24, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

What does it mean when you hear words like these?

"I could handle it if I had more:

time,
people,
funding,
opportunities,
support from the top, etc."

These are all excuses. Exceptions are rare.

Look at how a person handles what he (or she) already has. If there are signs of carelessness and waste, the diagnosis is clear.

He will squander, miss, or drink it all away, no matter how much you give him. But every time, he won’t be to blame—his enemies or circumstances will be.

It's different when someone has a system that accounts for every cent. There are criteria for selecting projects. Mistakes are analyzed and learned from. Every bottleneck is squeezed dry.

Such a person doesn’t whine about what he doesn’t have. He’s too busy boosting efficiency, margins, or ROI by a few more percentage points.

Interestingly, such a person doesn’t have to look for resources. Capital, people, and opportunities come knocking at his door. In negotiations, he doesn’t sell anything; he just states the facts.

Why? These individuals are scarce in any society.

Their personality is a perfect blend of:

conscientiousness,
responsibility,
attentiveness,
creativity,
humility,
and gratitude.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Lose to Win / June 23, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Maybe some people succeed right away. Whatever I try, I fall on my face the first, or even the second time.

It’s always been like that when I:

applied to university,
met new partners and clients,
closed my first big deal in an investment fund,
went to my first European Jiu-Jitsu championship,
navigated orientation week at business school, and so on.

Every time, the reason is the same — I live in illusions. This shows in carelessness, laziness, and naivety: "Maybe it'll work out somehow."

Reality then hits me hard. I feel shocked, hurt, ashamed, frustrated, and then angry.

Then something inside switches to "On." Suddenly, focus, excitement, and aggression appear out of nowhere.

This burst of energy is often enough to get into university the next time, win the championship, or turn a profit on an investment.

Losing "inspires" me to do the work I tried to avoid. A mountain of delusions burns away in the flames of negative emotions.

In the end, failure makes me better, there's no denying that.

Now, I scold myself less for losing the first fight. It's just the cost of learning, the end result of which will be a win.

The ideal is to bring this cost to zero. For example:

Extract all possible benefits from every failure.
Notice patterns among individual episodes.
Learn from the costly mistakes of others.
Experiment more often in your mind.
Make the cost of failure laughable compared to the upside.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Be Like Water / June 22, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

Who creates the most value? The one who works as Himself.

This means he's at peace with his "curse."

Many see their gift as a curse. So, they rush to devalue it and look enviously at others.

Flaws and talents are two sides of the same coin. The nature of all phenomena is ambivalent. Benefit and harm depend on whose hands it's in and their attitude.

Imagine you're water. Not earth, fire, or air. You can't change your formula (H2O). At best, you might have a cosmetic effect, but your nature stays the same.

But H2O isn't just water—it's also steam, dew, snow, and ice. Choose the best state for your goals and life's circumstances. Water is unbeatable.

The key word is "choose," meaning management and control. You can't master what you don't understand, appreciate and love.

So, it all starts with one "heretical" thought:

There is something inherently good in me that casts a shadow.

You just need to study yourself more deeply.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.

Ideal Action / June 21, 2024 by Alexander Lyadov

There is no point in furiously attacking a serious problem head-on. Especially if it arose a long time ago and refuses to disappear.

This hints that the problem is systemic. It's deeply integrated into the context. For example, cutting down an old oak tree isn't hard, but try uprooting the stump!

It's clear why we crave to free ourselves with one strong pull. There's hope: "Maybe it’ll work? Maybe it's not that bad." There's also irritation: "Why the heck is something ruining my plans?!"

But hysterical thrashing only entangles the dragonfly in the web, while signaling the spider. The spider isn't there by accident. It's an integral part of the environment.

So, your first step isn't to act, but to observe. Load your processor with enough data.

Then, understand the type of problem you're facing. Your issue is unlikely unique. This means a solution template already exists.

Next, form several solution options. You want to attack the problem indirectly, focusing all your power on the point where the problem is most vulnerable. You need Leverage.

Then, the impregnable fortress collapses like a house of cards. And you didn't even break a sweat. You made one decisive move at the right moment.

The main work happened inside. You have successfully rethought and perhaps reframed the problem.

The right question isn't "What to do?" but "How to think about it?"

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander

About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.