Back pain had been tormenting me for a long time.
It started to threaten both my work and my creativity. How do you read, write, learn, run sessions—if you can’t sit at a desk?
I looked for answers everywhere:
I brought MRI scans to an orthopedist,
used pills and ointments for pain,
did a full set of lower-back exercises,
tried electromagnetic therapy,
put a special device on my chair,
took long walks around the city,
bought a height-adjustable desk.
Each option looked promising. Each one disappointed. If there was any effect, it was small and didn’t last.
At some point I got so tired that I began to try anything—with even the slightest chance. And then, one day, the pain started to ease.
When I could no longer deny the trend, I looked closer. The biggest impact likely came from a “Vluv” capsule I bought on a whim: “Fine, whatever.” But it was that unstable support that helped.
Desperation forced me to bet not on my own intelligence (“I know how!”) or someone else’s authority (“This helps everyone”), but on uncertainty itself. More precisely — on its beneficial side.
My task was to water one possibility after another with attention, without trying to figure out which one hides the jackpot. This calls not for reason, but for a faint intuition: “Hmm… there might be something here.”
In a way, this is my co-creation with Uncertainty.
Each of us brings something unique, and neither works without the other. This is how entrepreneurs and artists create. Venture investors and poets, too.
What does it take?
Oh, nothing much—to admit that alone, you are nothing.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
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