Write Your Own Meta-Book / May 8, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Counting the number of books read in a year is nonsense.

It is commendable only for a child who is just discovering the world.

An adult does not expect to be transformed by the latest bestseller.

And he (or she) does not measure success by the number of talmuds consumed.

Maturity lies in being able to see patterns in life amidst its chaos.

A book is just one of many threads, as the pattern is manifested in everything.

Insights are available during illness, meditation, or conflict.

The same pattern is visible through business, dog training and sports.

Lock him in a cage and he will be exploring the laws of ant movement.

Over time, all observations should come together into one Meta-Book.

But a mature person does not buy this existential book, he writes it himself.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Secret for Wow-worthy Conversations / May 7, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Do you want your conversation partner to exclaim “Wow!” after your talk?

Give me 60 seconds, and I’ll share a secret from psychotherapy.

In everyday conversations, we ask each other questions.

And tend to accept the answer our interlocutor gave us.

Politeness assumes that people say what they mean.

A psychotherapist, however, never takes things at face value.

A professional will always gently but persistently dig deeper.

After you say, “I think that __,” the therapist will encourage you with, “…and?”

And every time, it turns out that the words implied something more.

At the seminars of philosopher and psychologist Eugene Gendlin, I understood why.

I understood why at the seminars of the philosopher/psychologist Eugene Gendlin.

Everything that is evident (symbols, concepts) exists implicitly.

The presumed meaning is always richer and more complex than any form.

Words are merely a finger pointing at the moon.

Thus, the session turns into an expedition to search for treasures at the bottom.

Interestingly, clients find relief from the process itself.

They finally manage to express precisely what has long been brewing inside.

However, the secret is not just to clarify with “…and?” every time.

You need to sincerely want to understand the client and accept any answer.

The ability to listen in this way is surprisingly rare these days.

Perhaps that’s why the experience of being genuinely understood is so precious.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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From Boredom to Breakthrough / May 6, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

To change, one must exhaust oneself brutally.

When the circle of suffering turns N+1 times, boredom sets in.

It becomes clear what will happen next and what the outcome will be.

Becoming aware of meaninglessness helps to break the vicious circle.

Otherwise, it will continue, as the cycle exists not by chance.

Despite hardships and deprivations, the participant in the drama secretly enjoys it.

The pleasure is so subtle that it’s hard to notice without psychoanalysis.

Thus the 'curse' is passed from parent to child for generations.

Stopping it (or at least weakening it) is everyone's job.

The curse formula: “It’s above me. I just can’t help but _____.”

The man is no longer his own master, he is enslaved to anger, fear, control, etc.

Watching the same show over and over again is boring to death.

This means: The necessary conditions for change have matured.

Inside, the person has already become different.

It is only a matter of time before these changes manifest themselves externally.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Power of Sacrifice / May 5, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

David Burnett, Dean Panaros, platform diving, Florida, 1996.

Blindly trusting your body's desires is not advisable.

Example: I almost never feel like going to the gym.

But 99 times out of 100, I'm very happy with myself when I finish.

With clarity in your mind and exhaustion in your body, work and creation are easy.

Plus, tired muscles + a cold shower = the best feeling of the day.

Like an eraser, exercise rubs away anxiety, depression and lack of sleep.

The states before and after are so different, it's like two different people.

It turns out, the old me must make sacrifices for the future me.

But every time it feels like a risky investment, a leap of faith.

If the return is so high, then the goal is to minimize the investment.

How? First, if you find a favourite sport, or better yet, two or three.

Secondly, if daily workouts have become a habit.

Finally, if the act of sacrifice itself gives you satisfaction and meaning.

This is the highest level because you become an unstoppable force.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Nature's Truth / May 4, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

What motivates a man who teases a female bear and her cubs with food?

What does the woman think when choosing an elk for a selfie partner?

When you finish reading it and find out what it means, you will be surprised.

The power of humans lies in their ability to create new worlds.

Myths, rituals, ideologies, games, corporations, and social networks.

Yet, this ability also creates a dangerous vulnerability.

Living in a man-made world, people forget about the real world.

Worse still, they try to bend reality to their fantasies.

Sooner or later, this ends in trauma or catastrophe.

Animals, carriers of the Laws of Nature, show humans their place.

And in a moment, precious illusions of man crumble to pieces.

Objective reality can no longer be ignored.

This is an act of symbolic castration, as a psychoanalyst would put it.

A kind of healing cauterization of an inflated pride.

The beasts, the elements and gravity perform the function of the therapist.

So how can we protect ourselves or avoid shocks and misfortune?

We need to consciously and voluntarily seek to re-engage with Reality.

For example, look for those who tell you the truth kindly but firmly.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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An Unobvious Skill to Win / May 3, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

a young Conrad Anker on the Gurney Peak by Robert Ingle

When I am fatigued to death, I become dumb right before my eyes.

This happens in business, but the insight comes best in jiujitsu fight.

Exhaustion turns even a daring black belt into a timid novice.

As if in a dream, he is aware of the danger, but is unable to resist.

The gap between knowing and doing widens into an abyss.

Mistakes snowball, and catastrophe looms around the corner.

Some athletes train a special skill of survival on and beyond the edge.

However, it's easier and quicker to learn how to maintain your pace.

As a mountaineer, you have to be able to rest while you climb.

Did you secure a favorable position? Great, catch your breath for a few seconds.

I'm shocked at how little the body needs to recover its strength.

Those who can maintain their pace can fight for days, not minutes.

It's essential because any business is not a sprint, but a marathon.

Ultimately, the one who becomes a Master of Self-Management wins.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Secret of Entrepreneurial Loneliness / May 2, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

The loneliness of an entrepreneur has many reasons.

But there's one excruciating reason that no one talks about.

If you'll allow me, I'll tell you what it is...

In business, logic is valued and irrationality is criticized.

The system is only valuable if it's predictable and reliable.

Otherwise, it's not a business, but a sandcastle.

However, there's a third entity - suprarationality.

Real entrepreneurs know what I'm talking about.

The X phenomenon already exists, but it doesn't have a clear form yet.

99% of people won't see it or will devalue it if X is described to them.

But a creator recognizes X, whether he or she is entrepreneur, an artist or a poet.

That's enough for the creator to go all-in and bet on X.

In the eyes of the layman, such a step by a founder is pure madness.

The layman doesn't know what suprarationality is and what it entails:

Everything that's evident was once implicit (without exceptions).

Therefore, there's a process of birth of one from zero.

The founder is the keeper and ambassador of this secret process.

The torture of loneliness is to know the secret but not be able to talk about it

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Know how to signal "SOS!" / May 1, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

For a long time I made the mistake of thinking I had to solve my problems alone.

In essence, I was trying to defy the second law of thermodynamics, how naive!

The law states that in a closed, non-equilibrium system, entropy will inevitably increase.

Digging deeper only sank me further into the quagmire of dark thoughts.

Contradictions cannot be resolved within a system that gave rise to them.

Greek myths teach us that wandering in a labyrinth ends either in exhaustion or meeting the Minotaur.

Once life pushed me into a dead end so hard that I had to say new words: "I need help!"

But no one helped me right away - it turned out to be not a cry, but a whisper.

And only when I loudly and clearly signaled "SOS!" did kind and wise people enter my life.

The paradox is that in the end, I still solved all the problems myself.

But thanks to the support of other people, I was able to step outside of my system for the first time in my life and look at it from the outside.

I didn't understand it right away, but I was already a different person.

And then, my life began to improve - relationships, sports, education, hobbies, and of course, my business.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Forget About Equality / April 30, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

spear into dragon's throat by Francisco Vasquez — Francisco Vasquez

People invented the idea of equality, but it does not exist in the wild.

This is valuable when it comes to cooperating, but harmful when trying to survive.

When someone tries to kill you, only the effectiveness of self-defense matters.

The goal is not an epic battle, but a shocking victory at the least cost.

The master of jiu-jitsu and founder of judo, Jigoro Kano, formulated the Golden Rule of Combat: "Your most powerful weapon, applied to your opponent’s greatest vulnerability, at his time of maximum imbalance" [1].

The rule also applies to inanimate forces, that is, problems.

A noble duel with a problem makes no sense or honor.

And it is foolish and reactive to throw oneself at it when caught off guard.

The hunter chooses the time and place to (counter) attack the predator.

Your best strike is in the weakest spot, when it is least prepared.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Power of Fixing Things / April 29, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

What's more important — fixing things or preventing them from breaking?

Being able to fix things is more valuable, says Boston Dynamics' CEO.

As a graduate student at MIT, Robert Playter was initially afraid of accidentally breaking expensive equipment in the lab. However, he soon realized that his skills allowed him to create the necessary parts. "That was enabling feeling. Then you are not afraid. It may take time. It may take more work than you thought it was required to get things done. But you can just go make it. And that is freeing in a way that nothing else does."

Many spend their whole lives tiptoeing around fearing the catastrophe. They only act if the outcome is guaranteed. The problem is that you can only gather gold dust that way. You can't find sand, let alone a gold nugget or vein, by avoiding risks altogether.

The cycle of development always involves phases of destruction and creation. Something must inevitably crack during the encounter with novelty, whether it is a piece of equipment, your hypothesis, or your pride.

And if you attach too much importance to that something, you will inevitably try to shield it from contact with the chaos and tremble every time the collision occurs.

The solution is simple - the importance of an indispensable object disappears if you choose the role of an active creator instead of a passive owner. Falling on asphalt ceases to be a tragedy if you know how to do a roll to absorb the impact. Mistakes become an exciting experiment whose cost is manageable, but whose potential is limitless.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Protecting Yourself From Yourself / April 28, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

You are doomed to cause meaningless pain to someone or yourself.

You haven't thought about defending against yourself yet.

I know it sounds strange, but let me explain.

Naturally, a square peg won't fit in a round hole.

But if that's your ultimate goal, then damage and losses are inevitable.

This is what happens when there is no other option but one.

Almost everyone is inclined to violence in haste or desperation.

The only difference is whether the person feels guilty afterwards or not.

Knowing this, it's important not to back yourself into a corner and to get out as quickly as possible.

How? Start by questioning the ultimate goal - are the stakes really that high?

Often, broadening the context of the problem lowers the heat.

Next, you need to localize and accurately describe the source of evil.

This turns unbearable panic into manageable anxiety.

Finally, increase your degree of freedom by exploring options 2, 3,..., N.

Perhaps the question of geometric shapes wasn't even relevant to begin with.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Don't Devalue the Treasure / April 27, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

You're putting in colossal effort, but there's no result. Why?

Instead of relying on your superpower, you've bet on your "Achilles heel."

For example, you want to achieve something that's foreign to you.

And at the same time, you devalue the treasure you already have.

You can train a border collie to bite, but it will never become a killer.

Yet this brilliant dog manages a flock like a Lord of Sheep.

Only a few people are lucky enough to find and accept their gift in childhood.

Most of us are led astray by our parents, school and society.

Sometimes a person builds a long career with doubts: "Is this mine?

And inevitably, he or she is disappointed: "Why do others have it so easy?"

Fortunately, it's never too late to start returning to your true self.

And with each step, achieving your goals takes less effort.

Now you and your superpower are at one.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Forget About Time / April 26, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Manage your energy, not your time.

I came across this idea about 10 years ago, and since then, I can't forget it.

Energy is vitality, health, clarity of thinking, and so on.

If your work is routine, then a cold or lack of sleep is not scary.

But it's different when your decisions are in the super-reward, super-risk zone.

With 80% of your attention, you won't win the Dakar rally or sell your business.

And what about time? It's a secondary factor, and there's no point in counting it.

When you're exhausted, a trivial task can stretch into a whole day.

But when you're at your peak, all problems seem to solve themselves.

So, on a scale of 1 to 10, what is your energy level right now?

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Entrepreneur in Flames / April 25, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

"I woke up in a clean room, my face touched by the sun's rays. Outside the window, lush trees swayed. I felt an indescribable calmness in my soul". So the founder began the story of his burn-out.

Burnout is akin to a company going bankrupt, when the debtor is unable to fulfill his (or her) obligations to the creditor.

The founder borrows energy from nature and "forgets" to return it. Alcohol, nicotine, amphetamines, and of course, the whip of willpower come into play.

A entrepreneur I know would fuel himself with excess coffee every morning and couldn't slow down without a glass of whisky to help him fall asleep at night.

Artificial stimulation is somewhat understandable when it comes to one-off stress, such as attracting an investment round or a shareholder conflict.

But "revving up" for years is like eating one's own flesh. One day, the body will rebel and stage a palace coup.

This is how the founder loses willpower, adaptability, and interest in business.

Sometimes wise Nature silences the mind by having the body hospitalized.

What is the way out? Reassessment of values, disciplining and building habits.

Just like filling the gas tank halfway in a car instead of waiting until it hits empty.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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Creativity in negotiation. Part 8: A dangerous partner / April 24, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Want to master the art of negotiation?

It all begins with selecting the right puppy.

Puzzled? I will explain.

An instructor with 40 years of experience once told me: "No subsequent efforts can turn a coward into a hero. Start with the right puppy and the rest will fall into place."

The same approach applies to business negotiations. You may think that the most important thing is to have tactical skills in this mental battle. But if your counterpart is a fraud, psychopath, or liar, then any attempts to reach an agreement will be futile. While you are pondering whether to move your knight or pawn, he (or she) is stealing your queen from the board. Like melting snow on a mountain, he is just waiting for a good opportunity to unleash an avalanche on you. In his imagination, the predator has already eaten you. For him, the subject of negotiations is to devour you in pieces or all at once.

You may argue that one needs to be able to defend oneself against evil intentions. Yes, but I remember cases where even very smart people were deceived by a professional liar. The society of Alcoholics Anonymous has a valuable rule: "If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places." It is much more effective to develop in yourself the ability to distinguish dangerous partners, so as not to enter negotiations at all or to timely catapult yourself out of them.

This is true even for one-time transactions. Therefore, for example, experienced founders choose not the buyer who offered the highest price for their company at auction, but the one who has a reputation for fulfilling promises. I remember "miraculous" deals that were rolled back or stuck in courts for many years.

But the entrance control becomes especially critical for relationships with a long horizon. We are talking about choosing an investor, co-founder, long-term landlord, or even a client. No matter how good the contract is, if your partner is toxic by nature, it's like going into the mountains with a coward or getting stuck in an elevator with a jerk. By definition, nothing good can happen to you there.

All successful, that is, surviving entrepreneurs have had negative experiences in the past. As a result, each one developed their own lie detector and litmus paper to test the partner's acidity level. Of course, no one wants to immediately clarify suspicions or exacerbate the first contradictions, risking spoiling a tempting partnership. However, experienced entrepreneurs know for sure that a small diagnosis at the beginning eliminates the need for major surgery in the future.

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Escaping the Spider's Web / April 24, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

Why is it so difficult to solve some of your business problems?

They're like spider webs - attempts to break free only tangle you up even more.

The catch isn't the trap, or even the spider who spun it.

The point is that your mind feels like a paralyzed bumblebee.

In jiu-jitsu, there's a phrase: "The opponent has imposed his game on you."

When I was almost choked out at the championship, I had an insight:

"It wasn't his fingers squeezing my throat, it was my throat that captured them!"

I threw my enthusiastic opponent over myself and took gold home.

A paradoxical thought swapped victim and hunter.

The same reversal needs to be done when you're stuck.

All traps and ways out of them are very similar, ultimately.

Of course, it would be great to detect any ambush in advance.

But it's much more practical to have the skill to turn any situation from "-" to "+".

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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There Are No Accidents? / April 23, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

You weren't late to the meeting because of traffic.

Internally, you resisted the meeting, but couldn't refuse.

There are no accidents — they are caused by secret desires.

But not everyone is ready to admit this to themselves.

It's easier, and above all, safer to blame circumstances or people.

Otherwise, you'll have to answer, "Why couldn't I say no?"

It could be anything – guilt, temptation, fear, pity, etc.

This created an unconscious dilemma – to go or not to go.

You can't choose because each option is flawed in its own way.

Your mind races like a dragonfly in a spider's web, wasting energy in vain.

Now imagine that there is not just one dilemma, but dozens in your mind.

The bad news is: There's not enough energy for the really worthwhile stuff.

The good news is: All your dilemmas are similar, like a fractal.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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A Fertile Void / April 22, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

One extreme is not noticing the value of what you have always had.

The other extreme is not letting go of what drags you down.

The misconception that there is nothing in emptiness causes the fear of letting go.

In reality, it is as fertile as soil rested over the winter.

Moreover, it is in the black soil of emptiness that the True You sprouts.

It is better not to rush and to frolic in the ocean of possibilities.

Consider it a stage of scientific research - the process of R&D.

All that is required is openness, patience, and iterations.

You are bound to find something important, or rather, it will find you.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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A Ripe Question / April 21, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

bald eagle by Dr Christian Sasse — Dr Christian Sasse

Eagerly searching for new opportunities is a futile effort...

...if you easily let go of what you already have.

When resources are abundant, no one counts the return on investment.

But eventually, the absurdity of this race will exhaust and horrify you.

The right question will finally ripen and arise within you:

"How can I multiply what I have without losing anything?"

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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The Secret Source of All Opportunities / April 20, 2023 by Alexander Lyadov

If you are in a resourceful state, opportunities will find you.

But in depression, you will stumble over a gold ingot and pass it by.

Opportunity is like a joke, it requires being in the here and now.

Such openness presupposes not a shortage, but an excess of resources.

Where did the energy go? Often into stress due to an unresolved dilemma.

Lifting a weight is not a problem, but try carrying it for half an hour.

We carry the weight of dilemmas constantly, not resting even at night.

Therefore, it is sad and strange to hear complaints that there are no opportunities.

The mistake people make is that they look outward instead of inward.

It is enough to free oneself from at least some of the dilemmas, and immediately the sails are filled with strong wind.

So the most important task is to take full charge of yourself.

And what about opportunities? Oh, they have always been, are, and will be.

Yours sincerely,

-Alexander

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