A person grows up with the belief that “X is bad,” where X might be aggression, self-respect, love of the body, intelligence, or the expression of feelings.
The quality itself has not disappeared, but access to it is blocked. In fact, the more of that force a person possesses, the more likely it is to be put in chains.
But as Sigmund Freud discovered: “What is repressed will return.” Only the form will likely be wild, strange, excessive, and unexpected.
The way out?
Consciously explore the area within yourself marked: “Danger! Do Not Enter.”
For that, you need a container: a particular person, a particular place, and a particular time.
In boxing and jiu-jitsu, for example, aggression is not merely permitted. It is actively encouraged. But like a river, it is given banks.
A beginner need not fear letting his “beast” out of its cage, because the coach knows how to handle it. Gradually, a person stops fearing his own strength and learns to regulate it, value it, and even love it.
The same thing happens with a psychotherapist, provided she (or he) earned her “black belt” rather than bought it under the table. You say the “unthinkable,” and the psychotherapist does not fall apart. She is prepared to receive absolutely anything.
You always thought your oil was dirt. Now it is black gold.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
Stuck? Your business grows when you do. I’m your business therapist to guide your shift. See testimonials here. Ready? Book your Catalyst session.