In 2017, I went through eleven ayahuasca ceremonies in Peru. During one of them, I came face to face with my greatest fear. Or rather—face to snout. Because out of the darkness, with a soul-piercing roar, Something was coming for me. A Monster. A Creature. A Beast.
There was nowhere to run. So I did the only thing I could—I raised my hand, foolishly, as if that could shield me. The chthonic beast sniffed, opened its maw, and breathed against my face. I, frozen to my mattress, felt something deeper than fear, a kind of sacred awe.
What can you do in such helplessness? Just one thing—keep Being.
I don’t remember how long we “communed.” By morning, my first thought was: “Enough experiments! I’m packing my bags and going home.” But ancient rituals are wise. There was a full day before the next ceremony—time to rest, to gather myself.
The most astonishing thing was what came next time—a strange mix of confidence, calm, and playful defiance. As if the fire of forced confrontation had burned my fear to ash.
Sometimes, a Gaze is the best action. It lets you endure the unbearable without losing your mind. Paradoxically, Cerberus grants you freedom—carrying away in his jaws the very thing that once terrified you.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
About me:
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
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