The journalist asked the expert in hostage negotiation: “Which people pose the greatest challenges in negotiations? Perhaps aggressive manipulators who control everyone around them?” The response was: “The most difficult people to deal with are those who don’t know what they want.” Counterintuitive, right?
I remember when the founder of a company approached me, seeking mediation for a conflict with her long-time business partner. She was eager, ready to set a date for our joint session. But she froze when I asked her, “Tell me, what do you ultimately want to achieve?” Surprised, she slowly uttered, “That’s a very interesting question… Honestly, I don’t know.”
Often, parties willingly escalate a conflict, only sobering up when they realize the damage to their business, unexpected court rulings, and astronomical costs of war by attrition. Therefore, the decision to involve a third party for pre-litigation conflict resolution speaks to the maturity of an entrepreneur. However, a mediator only helps both parties satisfy their true interests, which initially they need to make an effort to clarify for themselves.
It’s not always as simple as it seems at first glance. The question of interests intensifies the internal conflict of personal values. What matters more to you — achievements, reputation, money, or relationships? What do you dream of doing in the next few years? What is hindering you now? Sometimes, it’s not about grievances towards a partner but grievances towards oneself.
A well-developed negotiating position significantly increases the likelihood of satisfying your interest. There are times when negotiations lose their meaning because it’s simply not your battle. Or you need to create a series of prerequisites to emerge victorious. But more often, as a result of preliminary contemplation, you become almost indifferent to how specific negotiations will end. After all, you now know your long-term goals with certainty and are aware of alternative ways to achieve them. Now you are an unstoppable force.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
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”Who are you and what do you do?"
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
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