Self-improvement for real / by Alexander Lyadov

One of the most popular tags on Medium is self-improvement. That is, a huge number of people are seriously concerned with the question, “How do I fix myself?”. Desperate demand generates a tsunami of offers. No wonder that wherever you turn, you’re bound to find a webinar, an online course, or just a hack. There is everything on the market — from a primitive upgrade in presentation skills to esoteric pumping of all seven chakras. So the improvement collector can endlessly collect Instagram selfies, medals and certificates. Whether in this race of accomplishments the individual really changes for the better is a big question.

Equally worrying, however, is the now increasingly popular motto: “You’re already beautiful and you don’t need to change at all.” A thick layer of pseudo-empathy tries to assuage a person’s natural anxiety at the sight of egregious facts in the present, the consequence of which will be illness, suffering and loss in the future. This is how a mother emotionally “chastises” the object of reality, “You bad table!” that her roaring son has bumped against. Instead of teaching him to be more attentive to his surroundings during exuberant playtime. Fifteen years from now, reality will just smack him down for parentally encouraged carelessness.

Given these extremes, one can’t help but wonder, “What to do?” It seems to me that the answer is paradoxical — you have to change without changing. With time, after many attempts, you come to the conclusion that it is impossible to change the structure of your personality. Tattoos, buttocks, a Harvard degree, or a hundred books read in a year are waves on the surface, not touching the depths of your ocean. The only way out is to realize your essence as it truly is, not as you want it to be. It’s not a pleasant process, but it gives you a chance to make your “unacceptable” essence functional. The minus turns into a plus by itself. This is self-development for real.

Sincerely yours,

-Alexander


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