British psychologist and psychopathology specialist Kevin Dutton made a fascinating remark in a podcast interview: interview: "An inability to say 'No’ is actually a form of narcissism. You are thinking in your mind that you say No is going to be way more important to that person, is gonna have a really bad effect on them. But are you really that important to them? Is that what you think? That you say No is going really upset them? Who are you? You probably no one to them. So when people have trouble saying No is often an inverted form of narcissism, when you overinflate your sense of importance for that person. So actually a lot of the time saying No won't affect that person at all. They just: "OK, fair enough". What an unexpected twist, right? The people-pleaser who embodies other people's desires in both their and other people's eyes may look like a victim or a savior, but definitely not a narcissist.
In business, the ability to say "No" is invaluable. So many resources are wasted just because people do things they are not inclined to do. The CEO can't say no to excited investors who persuade him to accept excessive investment in order to fuel unnatural, dangerous growth. The boutique consultant is confused that the high-profile client does not see her as an expert in the contract negotiation process, but convinces herself that the client will somehow manage to change their mind afterwards. The business partner's actions increasingly irritate the co-founder, but he remains silent, building up anger over growing suspicions only to one day explode and destroy the business they have built up over a decade.
The loss of time, energy, nerves and money could have been avoided if the question of where the boundary lies had been raised in time. You would be surprised how often investors, customers and employees respond to your 'no' with respect and calm. Clear boundaries facilitate co-operation and make you a predictable and therefore trustworthy partner.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
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