Always remember that it is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood: there will always be some who misunderstand you” said Sir Karl Popper, one of the most influential philosophers of science of the XXth century. And he, more than anyone else, was able to articulate his thoughts with surgical precision. So what to do? Accept the unpleasant fact that no matter how much effort we put into our speech, post, or article, someone will still interpret our words falsely, and maybe even twist the meaning. Why?
First, hearing the other is a rare skill. It requires forgetting about yourself for a while, turning off your assumptions, and devoting 100% of your attention to the person. Then there’s a chance behind the husk of categories, labels and associations, to notice a peculiar personality in a particular moment of being.
Secondly, as one psychotherapist said, we go with our so-called symptom forward. And then we bump into each other, like knights with their lances. Some people don't hear what you said, but what very selectively pierces their spear. Triggers for them can be anything — an innocent word, a punctuation mark or an “untimely” open mouth. It is important to understand that there is no you in their interpretation. Using you, these people are waging a battle with their past, trying, for example, to separate from their absorbing mother, castrate their nagging father, get their sister's love, etc.
Most importantly, nothing authentic and alive can be fully expressed in words. And the more familiar the definitions, the more sophisticated the concepts, and the more precisely chosen the words, the sooner existence in our hands will change from ice to water, and then to steam. All of our concepts, systems, and structures are discarded snake skin, deer antlers, and clam shells. They, too, are valuable in their own way, but one must not confuse the form with the function that produced it.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
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