"Why do I need this?" is a question I increasingly ask myself when faced with an offer, request, challenge, or temptation from outside. Until the question is asked, the answer seems obvious: "Well, of course! Here are reasons #1, 2, and 3." And so, the transition to action usually happens on its own. But if I lower the question's bathyscaphe to the bottom instead of sliding on the surface, it turns out that the proposed action makes no sense to me. On the other hand, the interest of the other side usually shines like a neon sign at night. My own and other people's experiences have taught me that no one will benefit from the project if there is no agreement, which, according to witty classics, "is a product with complete non-resistance of the parties."
This is most pronounced in business during disputes between shareholders. It is believed that the inability to put oneself in the opponent's shoes is the main obstacle to resolving a dispute. This is undoubtedly true because without wanting to know what the other person wants, it is impossible to find not only an optimal solution but even an acceptable compromise. Studying business mediation and helping co-founders negotiate with each other, it became clear to me that despite being prepared to fight a long and costly battle in court, participants have difficulty clearly answering my direct question to them, "What are you trying to achieve? What is your ultimate interest?" It is easy to guess that the lack of clarity on such an important aspect is one of the reasons why friction arose between co-founders and contradictions escalated into a dispute.
Therefore, it is essential to ask this question as early as possible — ideally, before someone knocks on your door with an offer, initiative, or demand. The more precisely you define your personal purpose, the less time and effort you will waste on pointless meetings, senseless arguments, and escaping from dead-ends.The fact that colossal efforts are still being wasted everywhere only underscores how challenging the search for personal meaning can be.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
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