"If there is an excess of emotions, then there is a transfer," the therapist's words shed light on our group's dead-end discussion. Once, we argued with each other, only to later admit that we hadn't grasped the essence of the debate.
In psychology, 'transference' refers to the patient unconsciously projecting their past emotions onto someone unrelated to them. It appears as if the person is arguing with you, but in reality, you're not present there. It's an imaginary persona they've endowed with qualities important to them. It's like choosing a desired character in a video game and then customizing their weapons, armor, and so on. Unlike a game, it's not the interlocutor, but his (or her) subconscious that selects your avatar. He is unaware of it, hence the emotional tsunami catching him off guard. Without clear reason, he suddenly insults, devalues, shames, or accuses you of all sorts of sins. In those moments, it makes sense to ask, "What just happened here?"
The thing is, continuing the discussion is futile. Inside the person, a drama unfolds, and you're merely the trigger for it to start. Of course, there's a temptation to try helping him get rid of his illusions. But for that, you need the knowledge, skills, and experience of a psychotherapist. Also, you must have a clear reason why this matters to you. Finally, your interlocutor must strongly desire it himself. In any society, such individuals are rare. So, at the first signs of boiling emotions, your best strategy is to put the "dramatist" on ignore. Let this be a reminder for both you and me.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
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