When I still knew nothing about rituals, I was already doing them. Every five years, for instance, I felt compelled to leave the world for a time.
It would arrive as a sudden inner call — a pull. An offer you can't refuse.
As if after a long calm, the wind of travel filled my sails again. Only one question became relevant: where?
In my youth, I took off to work at the "edge of the world." Then hundreds of hours of meditation outside Delhi and in the Himalayas. Then psychedelic ceremonies in the jungles of Peru.
But what for?
Without knowing it, I was trying to pull myself out of the ordinary. And then land somewhere I could meet an unknown version of myself.
That kind of meeting becomes more likely the less familiar the world around you is. Strangers, wild conditions, a new practice, unusual places.
Every habit breaks: thoughts, sensations, desires, sleep, food...
And then, perhaps, a Crack opens. A Hole. A Portal.
What matters isn't what you call It — it's the result of the experience lived.
I came back not as a different person, but as a slightly more authentically myself. That's how it felt inside, regardless of how I appeared on the outside.
Looking back, I'm deeply grateful for this ritual. To whom? To the pull inside that called me. To myself, for trusting it and answering.
And by the way — through the end of August, the newsletter will be on an "In-between" pause.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
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