Today is a holiday — Father's Day.
I didn't have one. He left for another family when I was five.
He cast me into the void of loneliness. And for that, I am grateful to him.
In that void, I not only survived, I came to love being there. When life gets hard, I know exactly where to go inside myself to recover quickly.
Endless boredom awakened and developed my imagination. And solitude taught me how to become completely absorbed in playing by myself.
The feeling of abandonment drove me to search everywhere. For whom? I did not know. Certainly not for my biological father, who had shown no interest in me over the decades that followed.
When it came to my own children, I had to create fatherhood from whatever was at hand: partly imagined, partly borrowed from others. As a father, I am not satisfied with myself. But I am very happy with how our children turned out.
Only recently did it occur to me that I was never truly alone in that void. Someone was always there beside me, unseen. That may be why I felt so calm.
Once, as a child, I was playing with a construction set alone, as I usually did. Suddenly, with my whole being, I felt the gaze of my true Father. He was watching my play with endless delight, pride, and love.
It turns out that one father abandoned me, but I fell into the arms of Another.
How could I not be grateful for that?
The path has not been easy, but otherwise I would not have become who I am.
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
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