“To spread joy you have to have it,” said philosopher Alan Watts. You could extend his thought: you need to have something in order to share it.
This applies to everything—fun, meaning, confidence, love. But also to irritation, gloom, hatred, and anger.
The abyss inside some people can swallow everything. No matter what you give them, or how much, it falls into darkness—without even an echo.
Better not come within a cannon shot of them. Unless, of course, a cornucopia has opened inside you and a spring of living water is flowing.
To fill someone's lack, you need surplus in yourself.
There is, however, a popular alternative: imitate fullness. If you work hard enough to convince others, you may even convince yourself.
“I’m amazing… to the extent that others think I’m amazing.”
That’s what the phenomenon of “influencing” is often about. The trouble is, deep down the person knows the truth: there isn’t even a bagel—only a hole.
But the real problem isn’t lack. Everyone has it. It's in refusing to own it and in scared tries to plug it with whatever comes to hand.
There is another option: change your attitude. “Yes, this is me. Here I have a crack, a crater, a chasm.”
Maybe that hollow is meant to be filled with something special. What if you’re not a void—but a well?
Sincerely yours,
-Alexander
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
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