When you join a new group, it’s almost inevitable — someone will attract you, while someone else will unsettle, annoy, or even scare you.
If you’re curious why, read about the phenomenon of transference. Simply put, it’s when we unconsciously “recognize” in another person someone from our past — someone who once loved us deeply or hurt us badly.
In truth, we’re not seeing a person but a phantom. That’s why any interaction with him, even in our thoughts, leads to misunderstanding, disappointment, and conflict.
I used to fall into that trap often, but the sheer dumbness wore me down. Now, whenever I feel dislike for a stranger, I look for any excuse to start a conversation… about nothing in particular.
My goal is simple: to break the spell by touching real life. And you know what? The "spell" breaks instantly. Every time, I’m surprised to discover I actually like the person who first made me tense.
Huh. How many world woes arise from ghost encounters, not human souls?
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
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