How precious the gaze of the Other to each of us.
We can never see ourselves fully, even with a perfect reflection before us. When a therapy group reveals your “blind spot,” everyone laughs—except you. You feel terrified, almost insane: “Have they all conspired? How can they insist on something so clearly false?!”
What saves you is trust in the therapist, who finds words sharp enough for truth to slip inside you. Suddenly, like in an optical illusion, you see an old woman where a lady in furs used to be.
What did the Other do? He completed your description. The hole shrank.
New knowledge about yourself is always a gift. You don’t think so when someone points out a trait that hurts others. An insight about a hidden talent feels nicer, but will you believe it? Not necessarily. Because it’s about a quality you admired in others—but never in yourself.
It takes time for a gift like that to take root in your soul.
Odd that someone else values you more than you do. That’s the power of a loving gaze. It sees through to your essence. No words or deeds can fool it. Love reveals your potential naked..
And if you follow that thought to the end, it’s hard to remain an atheist.
The one who loved you was a living human, wasn’t he? Meaning imperfect—despite all his or her wisdom, purity, and kindness.
Then what of Him who forged that Love itself? How does He love you?
This question fills me with awe.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
As a business therapist, I help tech founders quickly solve dilemmas at the intersection of business and personality, and boost company value as a result.
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