Norman Rockwell
Imagine that you've made a regrettable mistake. Or life bit you and injected poison into your body. Typically, two reactions occur. On the one hand, you can be angry at your own stupidity, torment yourself with the question, "How could you have done that?" and drown in a sea of guilt. On the other hand, you can hate the outside world and the people who caused you discomfort, pain, and loss. In other words, reactive energy is directed inward or outward. Sometimes you can swing like a pendulum between these poles. Both paths lead nowhere and do not bring any benefit. But is there another way?
A bright illustration of the third path can be found in Mark Twain's immortal work. If you remember, Tom Sawyer's aunt punished him for mischief by making him paint a long fence. Tom was desperate because the long-awaited Saturday was packed with games and adventures with other boys. Worse still, Tom felt humiliated by the teasing of the boys, who would undoubtedly take advantage of his vulnerability.
"At this dark and hopeless moment an inspiration burst upon him! Nothing less than a great, magnificent inspiration. He took up his brush and went tranquilly to work." When the first boy Ben appeared and began to taunt him, Tom just continued to "enjoy" his work. When Ben made fun of him, saying that no one likes to whitewash, Tom surprised him by saying, "Like it? Well, I don't see why I oughtn't to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?" From that moment on, everything appeared in a new light. Soon Tom was enjoying his rest in the shade, collecting payment from the boys, who quickly and carefully painted the fence in three coats, and even got an apple as a reward from his astonished aunt.
In the context of psychotherapist Viktor Frankl's logotherapy, Tom's method is called Paradoxical intention. The patients with a specific phobia (fear of dirt, enclosed spaces, etc.) are asked to try their best to sincerely want the thing they fear most. There have been cases where people who had suffered for decades from some severe form of phobia or obsessive idea were cured in just a few weeks. For example, I use this method when I have insomnia. Instead of desperately trying to fall asleep at any cost, I tell myself that I will stay awake all night. But after a short time of such supposed struggle, I inevitably fall asleep.
But the greatest value of Tom's method is to turn any poison into a cure. Instead of blaming oneself or being angry at the world, one can mentally express gratitude to fate for the harsh, but valuable lesson. If we sincerely embrace the role of grateful students, we can shed some of our naivety, resentment, and infantilism. And that means inevitably becoming stronger, smarter, and richer.
Yours sincerely,
-Alexander
As a business therapist, I help entrepreneurs to take faster tough decisions at the intersection of business and personality. You can check my detailed Linkedin profile. For our introductory call, you can choose a convenient time here.